I hate the weekends. Like really really don’t like them.

Interestingly enough, my dislike for work has changed: It’s not work itself that I don’t like now. It’s the fact that work gets in the way of studying and homework (or the time I could *coughshould* be doing that stuff.). I’m actually looking forward to this summer when I can work work work and make money money money. That is my plan: To work as much as possible and save as much as possible. But. Gotta get through the next few weeks first. Cross your fingers for me.

Now for some pretty pictures.

~

I’ve started an acne treatment called the oil cleansing method. Sounds crazii, doesn’t it, rubbing oil all over you face to wash it? Yeah I thought the same thing. You can learn more here: The Oil Cleansing method. But for those too lazy to click the link, the oil cleansing method basically takes your body’s natural method (oil) to nourish, cleanse, and hydrate your skin (read: face). Sounds so counterintuitive that I almost slapped myself. I mean, acne companies tell you that oil is bad and keep away from oil and blah blah blah. But really, oil is good for your skin because your skin produces it naturally. So the trick is to get the right balance of oils on your skin (instead of drying it out with all sorts of lotions and wipes and washes) and letting your skin take care of itself that way. I found it on another blog that challenged me to try it for two weeks, and that’s what I’m doing. If I remember, I’ll update how it ends up and whether I’ll stick with it.

Another healthcare update: I finally bought myself a container of coconut oil and have been experimenting ways to use it. So far I’ve used it for skin and lips mostly. And a really yummy chocolate shell ice cream topping recipe. I’ve heard it is good for dogs but I haven’t given it too much thought to give to them (although the dogs really enjoyed what I gave them off of my finger).

And while I’m on this healthcare kick… lemon water, anyone? I need to increase my water intake (and probably decrease my coffee intake, too. :P)

~

I have lots and lots to do this week. After my morning shift tomorrow I have to work on some research stuff (if I can get it to work), somehow make a poster for my Wednesday presentation, do a reading & reflection sheet, study for an exam on Tuesday, read & summarize three chapters, and revise the third draft of my writing proficiency paper. And I need to begin thinking about all the papers I have coming up that are due in two weeks.

All this stuff is stressful. And I’m worried about not doing my best, not meeting expectations, fearing what will happen if what I *want* to happen, doesn’t happen. And so on. But I have this outlook when I think of these things: Whatever happens, I will still be alive after the semester is done and over with. I will be able to work and make money. I will be able to think of and look towards the future. I will be able to adjust my actions to the necessity of what happen(ed) and what (will) happen. Just because the path I think I should/will be going down might not happen does not mean other options are not open.

Applause for you if you understood what I just said.

Peace.

Dreams & Dreaming

In class today we talked about dreams & dreaming. Which led to hypnotism. Which led to how we use our brains and which parts and how we don’t tap into the full potential of them. Which led to discussion about autism & Asperger’s. Which led to the unconscious vs. conscious minds. And then other little things. Then it dwindled to a stop. It was a discussion that was pretty well up my alley.

Dreams have always fascinated me. I truly believe that most dreams mean something significant to our lives if we only dig deep enough in the right direction to find out how it relates to aspects of ourselves and our lives. Of course there are some dreams that even my Freudian mind can’t grasp the meaning of. Like the one where my dog, Mandy, & I were sitting in the backseat of some (unfamiliar) car. And someone stuck his hand through the window on Mandy’s side holding a gun and shot Mandy in the head. I remember her falling against the seat, blood dripping down the side of her head, and I screamed at the guy, “Why would you do that? Why?” as I was crying. I didn’t understand what that might mean. I was never worried about losing Mandy in any way at the time. Or does anybody remember the dream in this post? *That* was a weird-ass dream. And actually, it’s the most vivid dream I can recall without having ever attributed any sort of meaning to, though not for lack of trying.

Regardless, dreams are fun to have at night. And if I could I’d probably re-watch them on a tv screen if it were ever possible. Do you think dreams have meaning? What’s your most vivid dream you remember?

Peace.

Happy Labor Day!

I hope ya’ll had a nice relaxing labor day. And for those of you who didn’t, I feel your pain.

I helped my mom organize, sort, and price a bunch of stuff for the garage sale we’re having this weekend. We also cleaned out our shed and got rid of a bunch of crap. You can actually walk in and do a complete 360 without running into or even touching anything now…. interesting. All in all, it took us about 4hrs of work to get it all done.

Parker was our supervisor…

…while Hawkeye “stood” guard.

Mom and I slaved away.

Dya think we’ve eaten enough ice cream? Might as well have the trucks deliver their loads to our freezer…

~

I got some news today. News that is nerve wracking and exciting at the same time. (: This Saturday I will be shadowing Shane Monahan at a wedding! And the last two Saturdays of September I will be his second shooter for two more weddings. I am psyched and nervous, not sure what to expect, but can not *wait* to get this experience. Learning, learning, learning, that is what I want to do. Even if I never do weddings again, this step will only help me reach my true goals. (:

On top of that, I’ve had a sudden influx of requests for photo sessions. A senior session next weekend, a precious 2yo/family photo session last weekend of September, a family session the first weekend of October, and a kids/family session the weekend after that. Is this what it feels like to be “in business”? So exciting. (:

(Then, when I’m a professional photographer, I’ll have a bumper sticker on my car that will say, “Yes, I was a psychology major. And I’m doing damn good!”) xD

Peace.

 

The Dreaded ‘C’ Word

Change.

Change.

Change.

A couple facts about me:

1. I dislike change. More specifically, I hate adjusting to ‘new’ things after I’ve gotten comfortable with how things currently are. I have a hard time understanding why certain things need to change when they’ve been working so well.

2. I’m afraid to make mistakes. I’ve never been a perfectionist (not in my eyes, at least, and I’ve never been called that) but I’m afraid of social/public humiliation, especially when the pressure/expectations are high. This is why I’ve never been a fan of sports like softball and volleyball, which require one player at a time to be “highlighted” so to speak. Put on the spot. I hate being put on the spot.

3. I tend to put people on a pedestal and make them ‘more than’ human (or something like that). Seeing someone do something perfectly, or even making mistakes with ease, puts them as ‘good’ or ‘perfect’ in my messed up little head. For some reason, the mistakes they do make are minimized in my head. I see them do something so good, that who cares if they made one little trip-up? I guess you could say I compare myself to them, too, which is never a good habit and one I’m trying very hard to overcome.There is one thing I’ve been trying to get through my head for the past 2-3 years, since I finally grew a backbone and opened my eyes:

WE’RE ALL HUMAN.
(Wow, imagine that.)

[This is actually a sort of mixture between two posts I’ve had in mind (one from this weekend & one from tonight), so bear with me. Also, I’m running on too much mental stimulation for the day (not good, for an introvert) and not enough rest for my body. Not a good combination. Two reasons to forgive me if I don’t seem to make sense.]

 This weekend was probably the worst weekend I’ve had at my almost-4yrs long job (4yrs in August). The stress, the emotional ups & downs (mainly from angry to calm, over and over and over again, with frustration thrown in there to spice things up, oh and annoyance, can’t forget that. wow that is way too many commas in on sentence), the lack of respect and appreciation I feel from my managers, the idiocy of people – my temper & tolerance level has dropped far below what I even thought possible for me at this particular job, which I used to absolutely love. I’m not happy there anymore. I dread going to work. I get annoyed easier, faster. There’s too much change going on, and I just don’t feel part of the team anymore. Honestly, I believe I’m burnt out.

[See fact #1 above]

I think it is time for a change. As in, another job, another start, a new experience. I dislike the idea of starting out as ‘the newbie.’ I don’t like stepping out of the place where I’ve come to be comfortable in, that I know almost like the back of my hand, and that I made so many friends and met so many neat, interesting, inspiring people (and some unsavories as well). But nothing stays the same. Life goes on, with or without me. The difference is whether or not I’m happy, whether or not I decide what happens next, whether or not I decide to go on with it or stay in the past. And we can’t stay in the past, live in the past. I can wish all day and night for things to be back the way they were before, when my favorite manager of all time was there, and all the workers loved their job as much as I did, but the truth is: it’s not going to happen. The past will stay in the past. I can only look at what is ahead, even if it is a scary, dark, tunnel with some sort of illusion or truth of light at the end. To make a life worth living, I have to move forward. Because either I’ll be unhappy stuck in ‘what used to be’ or I’ll be happy I took the chance to make ‘what could be.’

Fact of life. Be thankful for what you’ve experienced and then move on.

 “Maybe it’s time to change,
and leave it all behind.
I’ve never been one to walk alone,
I’ve always been scared to try.”

“Nothing stays the same. Maybe it’s time to change.”

Peace.

If you had one shot to seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment, would you capture it or just let it slip?

Today started off with some exciting, nerve wracking, and almost overwhelming opportunities. Since I posted two photos of Mr. Jaiden on Facebook, I have gotten numerous requests for photos. Including one that is over the top – a wedding. Okay, so she said it was going to be a small, simple wedding… still, a wedding. Wow. I didn’t know what to think or do when I read that message. What a crazii and exciting opportunity! That I still don’t know what to think of. :P

I’ve just gotta jump on it, take the plunge. See what happens. Learn from it. Explore and break down my boundaries. This summer – actually beginning with Jaiden’s photos – I am building my portfolio. It is the first step. (:

~

On other news, I apologize for the rather short posts lately. I feel like I’ve been putting less priority on my blog posts than I did while classes were in session. Not sure why that is.

Ashley did an awesome post that you should probably go read for fun (no pun intended). I finished my Jodi Picoult book while soaking in a hot bath. I’ve noticed that I’ve really enjoyed doing that lately. The next book I picked up was another trusty Sandra Brown novel, Chill Factor. I’ve read her books before, and though she’s not my favorite author, I like the twists she puts at the end of her books. It keeps me hooked and kudos to her for that. (: Who’s your favorite author? Why?

Quick update on Vicki aka Kiki (thanks Nicole! I like it better. (:) – She has a soft case of kennel cough so it’ll be a few days before she gets to settle into what is hopefully a much comfier temporary home for her than the cold kennel at the shelter.

~

So I’m running short on time right now, since it is 11:43:04pm right now, but I have to mention this last thing.

I often have reservations about choices I’ve made, like for instance, taking in Vicki. As soon as I had called Wade – the coordinator – and settled it with him, I began thinking, What if she doesn’t fit in? What if she doesn’t get along with our dogs, or vice versa? What if I can’t help her? And with my photography: What if I can’t meet their expectations (for instance, at the wedding)? What if I don’t get any good shots? What if my clients are dissatisfied with my work? Notice that these are all ‘what-if’ questions. And I know I can’t live life questioning “what if?” but it is still a difficult habit to overcome. My boyfriend said to me today before work, “You’re the only one who doesn’t have confidence in your work, but everyone else loves it.” Why is that, Heather?

Hmmm… something to chew on. And another mountain to overcome. We are our own worst enemies.

Peace.

Babies and blurriness

Week 7: what you wore today

Though you can’t really tell, I liked the clear reflection off the window so I thought, “Why not?” :)

I had a super odd dream last night. I don’t really remember all of it, just the main points.

In my dream, it was present day – same age, same people around me, same things going on, etc. – except my past was different. [If anybody reading this is a psychoanalyst, go ahead and Freud me; I already know I have lots of serious mental issues. ;)] Apparently, when I was younger, I think I was 13 or 14 when it happened, I had been “taken advantage of,” or something along the lines of that, by a tall guy. I don’t remember anything else about him except he was tall. And remember, I’m ‘remembering’ this guy in my head, in my dream, so he wasn’t a primary character in my dream – more so a secondary character of sorts. Anyhow, this guy took advantage of me and I got pregnant. Being so young and immature and naive, we – my parents and I – gave the baby girl up for adoption.

All this I was telling Dustin, in the present day, in my dream. And I remember telling him that I wish I could see her, that I couldn’t really remember her at all because it was all indistinct and blurry in the past. But I also didn’t regret the decision to give her up for adoption because I knew that was the right choice. The last thing I remember is Dustin and I walking down a hallway in what looked like a hospital, talking about this past of mine and this baby girl.

How weird is that?!

I don’t think I’ve ever had a dream that odd before. The subject matter, the situation, the set-up of the dream itself, just all so crazii.

Tell me she doesn’t have thee most intense eyes. I could take pictures of this girl for days and not get tired of it. Oh wait, I already do that. :)

Before I sat down to post this, I grabbed my camera to snap a few photos. Well I spent so much time outside that I didn’t have time to post anything before class. It was worth it though. :)

Blurriness in all it’s greatness. Blur is usually to be avoided, but I love how this turned out. It almost looks like a watercolor painting or something.

The sun was at a great angle. I love playing around with AF. It leaves so much room open for creativity.

The flag that my sister got for my mom. I love it. My favorite is the German Shepherd of course, but those basset ears are awful cute too. :)

See how much more exciting my posts are with pictures?! I’ve been thinking about doing a writing prompt one of these days like Amber does every once in a while. But I don’t know if I could pluck up the courage to post my writings.

Irony – gotta love it

I woke up irritated today, and I don’t know why. And the fact that little things annoyed me, made me even more irritated. Talk about going in circles.

I had some strange dream about this fat guy in a white t-shirt trying to invade my home and stab me with (of all things) a TRH steak knife. He had glasses and pudgy cheeks, and a huge beer belly. I remember yelling at the two people who were just leaving my house to help me but they had already gone. I have no idea who they were but it seemed that they were family friends in my dream. All I remember is grabbing the knife blade with my hand and keeping it away from me, and at one point I stabbed him in the chest, which had absolutely no effect on him. [Wtf, zombie invasion?] His face was expressionless. I wasn’t scared in the dream, more bent into survival mode or something like that. No idea what that’s supposed to mean.

Picture time!

Buddy’s such a lover boy. :)

Aren’t they adorable?

Trying my hand at manual focus. She’s such a sweet girl. Best labbie girl ever.