Can you guess what it is?
A couple weeks ago I posted on how nervous I was about starting a new job, holding two jobs at once, balancing everything out in my life, and whether or not I was up for it. Well here’s an update.
I’ve felt very busy (as expected) and overwhelmed (also expected). I’ve doubted my ability to hold down two jobs while balancing friends, family, boyfriend, and dogs. I’ve fallen behind on some things and neglected some people that are close to me. I’ve kind of felt like I’ve been on a sort of autopilot, leaning on “Everything will work out,” and hoping that that time will be soon. And with these guilts have come the conflicting feelings, mainly towards myself but directed at other people and circumstances. Irritation, anger, frustration, and annoyance have been on the highest levels on some days.
I’d be wrong to say I don’t like my second job, because I absolutely love it. If it provided as much income as my other job did, I would quit the first job in a heartbeat. Unfortunately this second job is only for supplemental income, and nothing more. I love working with the dogs, my coworkers are awesome and hilarious, and everyone is so laid back. The dogs don’t care if you look like crap, they don’t judge, and they don’t have any expectations (except always expecting a treat on their bed after potty outs and daycare (:).
But it gets to me sometimes. Sometimes I just want to drown everyone out, to stop worrying about what anyone will say or think about what I say or do, to stop feeling like I have to justify my every action or thought. That’s probably the worst part: having to explain my every movement or thought to someone, anyone.
I apologize for ranting. I don’t like to complain and I hope that, with a little more time, everything will turn out okay.