Is everything made of shades of gray?

JaydersBday-4

What do you want in life?

How bad do you want it?

I’m only 22 years old. (Okay, not 22 officially yet, not until the first of April, but still.) Only – already. Funny, the difference between those two words. I have a lot to learn but I think I’m figuring some crucial things out. Like the difference between “trying” and “doing” – major differences, apparently. And what’s funny about it is that it’s all in your head. All in what you believe. I find it ironic that lessons come to me after I’ve gotten the gist of it, waaaaaay after I’ve gotten the gist of it. I thought my motto, “It’s all in what you believe” referred to something entirely different. I guess it still does, but I keep finding applications for it. Like the difference between “trying” and “doing”.

So how bad do you want what you want in life?

JaydersBday-8

Peace.

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A Christmas Story

I’m watching that movie for the first time right now. Apparently it’s a classic. :P And I was so into paying attention to it, that I almost forgot to blog. Good thing I checked my email and saw The Daily Post in my inbox, or else I probably wouldn’t have remembered until tomorrow. :P

Entering finals week. Which means, final week of classes + final exam week, then Christmas break! But. I can’t think that far ahead yet. I’ve been narrowing my window of looking ahead more and more since Thursday. Last night it reached the limit of about 12 hours, and no more. Now that I have my paper (sort of) finished, I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Think. Gosh, I hope so. :/

Tomorrow I’m going to finish up my final photography projects. Wednesday I have an exam (not a final) and a final review in my night class. Thursday is relatively free. Friday is a review for the final exam in Business Law. I honestly only have one actual final exam this semester because of the electives I’ve taken, but I’m worried about bigger things. Like my senior thesis and finishing grad school applications.

6 minutes to post! What’s everyone’s favorite Christmas classic?

Peace.

 

November 8th: Something I Do Everyday

Not going to lie, I almost put a photo of WordPress up, but I didn’t think that’d be very fun or interesting. Because you guys already know that I blog everyday. :P So instead the above photo represents my nightly routine of changing into wonderfully soft and comfy sweats with fuzzy socks before bedtime. It’s one of those minor reward things that I cherish. (:

~

I have got to say that this has probably been my least productive week this semester. Don’t know why, maybe because I put everything on hold in my head for the election? Who knows. Either way I have seriously gotten close to nothing done for school, and the worst part of it is that I don’t feel bad or guilty or even worried about it. Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing…

Today in my morning class we had a lady come give a presentation on job searching and building our resumes. During this almost-2hr presentation I got to thinking of how unprepared and overwhelmed it made me feel, the exact same feeling I got when I graduated high school and tackled college applications. I don’t really care for that feeling. :/

On a completely different note, I’m having a really big urge to watch Big Green. (:

Peace.

Some words of wisdom

Of course, you can’t control other people. Not even a little; not a smidge. Every man and woman is their own sailing vessel powered by their own thoughts, emotions, and imagination. You can’t improve their smile, nor even add to their woes, unless, at some level, they let you.

So, does that pretty much clear up the effect others can have on you?

You rule, 
    The Universe

What do you think about that?

~

Today has been sort of the beginning of me mentally preparing myself for classes, stress, expectations, and pressure that will come next week. It’s tough, but I’m fighting as best I can. Work begins tomorrow again. Back to reality for sure.

I can do this. (:

Peace.

Day 26: sunshine

My corner of the country is currently in a drought after last summer’s lovely flood. Temperatures in the triple digits for days in a row has fried our grass, as you can see in the above photo of my beautiful girl waiting for me to throw the kong.

~

I put on a strong face most of the time, but sometimes, like today, everything gets to me and all I can focus on is the negatives and stressors of my life. I see it as a block, a mental block, that I can’t get around. I’ve been fighting it for a while, but a change in perspective – no matter how big or small – is never easy to come. What can I do to change this? I’m not saying I can’t do it on my own, but sometimes a little support can go miles.

Peace.

Day 10: your favourite colour

Can you guess what it is?

~

A couple weeks ago I posted on how nervous I was about starting a new job, holding two jobs at once, balancing everything out in my life, and whether or not I was up for it. Well here’s an update.

I’ve felt very busy (as expected) and overwhelmed (also expected). I’ve doubted my ability to hold down two jobs while balancing friends, family, boyfriend, and dogs. I’ve fallen behind on some things and neglected some people that are close to me. I’ve kind of felt like I’ve been on a sort of autopilot, leaning on “Everything will work out,” and hoping that that time will be soon.  And with these guilts have come the conflicting feelings, mainly towards myself but directed at other people and circumstances. Irritation, anger, frustration, and annoyance have been on the highest levels on some days.

I’d be wrong to say I don’t like my second job, because I absolutely love it. If it provided as much income as my other job did, I would quit the first job in a heartbeat. Unfortunately this second job is only for supplemental income, and nothing more. I love working with the dogs, my coworkers are awesome and hilarious, and everyone is so laid back. The dogs don’t care if you look like crap, they don’t judge, and they don’t have any expectations (except always expecting a treat on their bed after potty outs and daycare (:).

But it gets to me sometimes. Sometimes I just want to drown everyone out, to stop worrying about what anyone will say or think about what I say or do, to stop feeling like I have to justify my every action or thought. That’s probably the worst part: having to explain my every movement or thought to someone, anyone. 

~

I apologize for ranting. I don’t like to complain and I hope that, with a little more time, everything will turn out okay.

Peace.

Hello June…

I’ve hit the 6 month mark on this post-a-day challenge! Yay me! Of course it hasn’t been without hiccups along the way, but overall I think deciding to blog once a day has been a great thing for me. Yes, sometimes it’s been an annoyance and other times I can’t think of a single thing to say with 10 mins left in the day. But I’ve really enjoyed it. So here’s to another 6 months. (:

Like I said, I think my perception is off. My world is off balance. I feel like I’m getting hit from 10 different directions, all begging for my attention. If I had more time, maybe I’d elaborate but because I only have 9 minutes and don’t feel like rushing…

Go read this: something beautiful

That woman has an amazing way of putting things into words. Right now I need to find some way to balance out all this stuff in my head.

Gnight blogosphere.

 

Peace.