I hate the weekends. Like really really don’t like them.

Interestingly enough, my dislike for work has changed: It’s not work itself that I don’t like now. It’s the fact that work gets in the way of studying and homework (or the time I could *coughshould* be doing that stuff.). I’m actually looking forward to this summer when I can work work work and make money money money. That is my plan: To work as much as possible and save as much as possible. But. Gotta get through the next few weeks first. Cross your fingers for me.

Now for some pretty pictures.

April Ice-7

April Ice-2

April Ice-3

~

I’ve started an acne treatment called the oil cleansing method. Sounds crazii, doesn’t it, rubbing oil all over you face to wash it? Yeah I thought the same thing. You can learn more here: The Oil Cleansing method. But for those too lazy to click the link, the oil cleansing method basically takes your body’s natural method (oil) to nourish, cleanse, and hydrate your skin (read: face). Sounds so counterintuitive that I almost slapped myself. I mean, acne companies tell you that oil is bad and keep away from oil and blah blah blah. But really, oil is good for your skin because your skin produces it naturally. So the trick is to get the right balance of oils on your skin (instead of drying it out with all sorts of lotions and wipes and washes) and letting your skin take care of itself that way. I found it on another blog that challenged me to try it for two weeks, and that’s what I’m doing. If I remember, I’ll update how it ends up and whether I’ll stick with it.

Another healthcare update: I finally bought myself a container of coconut oil and have been experimenting ways to use it. So far I’ve used it for skin and lips mostly. And a really yummy chocolate shell ice cream topping recipe. I’ve heard it is good for dogs but I haven’t given it too much thought to give to them (although the dogs really enjoyed what I gave them off of my finger).

And while I’m on this healthcare kick… lemon water, anyone? I need to increase my water intake (and probably decrease my coffee intake, too. :P)

~

DogsOutside-1

I have lots and lots to do this week. After my morning shift tomorrow I have to work on some research stuff (if I can get it to work), somehow make a poster for my Wednesday presentation, do a reading & reflection sheet, study for an exam on Tuesday, read & summarize three chapters, and revise the third draft of my writing proficiency paper. And I need to begin thinking about all the papers I have coming up that are due in two weeks.

All this stuff is stressful. And I’m worried about not doing my best, not meeting expectations, fearing what will happen if what I *want* to happen, doesn’t happen. And so on. But I have this outlook when I think of these things: Whatever happens, I will still be alive after the semester is done and over with. I will be able to work and make money. I will be able to think of and look towards the future. I will be able to adjust my actions to the necessity of what happen(ed) and what (will) happen. Just because the path I think I should/will be going down might not happen does not mean other options are not open.

Applause for you if you understood what I just said.

DogsOutside-5

Peace.

I Kind Of Miss Post-A-Day

Whadya’ll think of my new header & background? Pretty colorful, eh? Kind of different than what I had in mind, but I *really* like the colorful pawprints. It brightens it up a bit.

I’ve seriously missed blogging. When I was doing post-a-day, I made time to get a post up each and every day (obviously). Now that I’m not constrained by that, I let it slide. No big deal. I really didn’t have much to say over the weekend anyway, except that I’m going to miss Amberness until spring break. Hurry up and get here, March 2nd!

Oi.

So this semester is about 4 days in. And I’m already feeling the time restraints. Like bad. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to fit everything into my schedule, and have been thinking about my priorities. It’s tough. I’m afraid of spreading myself too thin and breaking down, because I feel like I’m already headed that way and at this rate I won’t make it to spring break with my mind in one piece. So accordingly, this was my photo for today.

Constrained Time

Constrained Time

I’m really trying to give my all to every single class. Get my papers done BEFORE the night before they’re due. Work harder at each class – visit professors, do extra credit, read every article/chapter for understanding and critical thinking instead of ‘just getting them read’, look ahead and NOT procrastinate on assignments. Really put my mind to each class and not waste precious time doing nonsense things like browsing Pinterest or staring into space (yes, I do that). That goes back to my (poor) time management skills of course.

One thing I’ve noticed that Project 365 is giving me something to ‘center’ on each day, kind of like post-a-day did in 2012. I wake up wondering what’s going to happen, what I’m going to come across that I’ll capture with a click. I look forward to it, and it’s only two weeks into the year! That’s encouraging, right? (Or it’s a warning that I’ve hit a high early and will crash into nothingness in another 2 weeks. In which case I’ll be screwed for the rest of the year. :P)

So you know that feeling where there’s something new in front of you, an opportunity to do something you haven’t done before, and your breath shortens and your mind frantically begins spilling reasons out of your ears why you can’t/shouldn’t/aren’t able to do such a thing? The feeling of stepping out of your comfort zone, where you just want to retreat into the known, the little bubble you live in every day, where everything is familiar and coffee with chocolate on the side? Yeah, I had the feeling today in the public library parking lot.

I checked my email on my phone.

I had an email from a new psych professor.

The preview began, “Hello everyone, and welcome to being a r…”

Holy crap, I thought. Wait a second, this wasn’t supposed to happen to me.

My advisor mentioned a professor who was doing a research project for this semester and was looking for research assistants. I jumped on it, emailed her for info, filled out the form, and sent it back to her. I did this all in a rush before I could tell myself all the reasons why I wasn’t qualified, wasn’t good enough, not ready do it, didn’t have time, etc. etc. Then I told myself, There are a quite a few other psychos filling out the form, most of which who are probably more qualified than me, so whatever. I didn’t think about it after that. Then I got that email. Yeah, she chose me. And after I talked myself out of emailing her back with some out-of-my-ass reason why I wasn’t able to do it anymore, I became excited, scared, apprehensive all at the same time. Excited to get research experience. Scared because it’s something new that I’ve never done before. Apprehensive because I already have enough on my plate – can I really add *more* to it?!

Oi.

Life might not be too fun at the moment, but at least it’s not boring. Coffee & Breaking Bad with my bestie tomorrow night! <3

Parker-BW_2

Peace.

First Day of Classes

I only had one class today, so it wasn’t *that* big of a deal, but it was still a tiny taste of what’s to come: papers, papers, PAPERS! Oi. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with myself.

On a happy note, my business cards came today!

Day9

And I also reached 120 fans on my  Facebook page. (:

Anyways, like I said I’m a little cautious concerning this semester (I haven’t been completely thrown into it yet) so I’m not sure what to think. I feel like I’m ‘prepping’ myself for an ass-beating, to be completely honest. Not necessarily a good feeling, but at least it won’t be a surprise? :P Odd outlook on it, isn’t it?

Tomorrow is only Thursday but I have class pretty much until I have to go to work and I wasn’t sure if I’d get a chance to post.

Peace.

The Dreaded ‘C’ Word

Change.

Change.

Change.

A couple facts about me:

1. I dislike change. More specifically, I hate adjusting to ‘new’ things after I’ve gotten comfortable with how things currently are. I have a hard time understanding why certain things need to change when they’ve been working so well.

2. I’m afraid to make mistakes. I’ve never been a perfectionist (not in my eyes, at least, and I’ve never been called that) but I’m afraid of social/public humiliation, especially when the pressure/expectations are high. This is why I’ve never been a fan of sports like softball and volleyball, which require one player at a time to be “highlighted” so to speak. Put on the spot. I hate being put on the spot.

3. I tend to put people on a pedestal and make them ‘more than’ human (or something like that). Seeing someone do something perfectly, or even making mistakes with ease, puts them as ‘good’ or ‘perfect’ in my messed up little head. For some reason, the mistakes they do make are minimized in my head. I see them do something so good, that who cares if they made one little trip-up? I guess you could say I compare myself to them, too, which is never a good habit and one I’m trying very hard to overcome.There is one thing I’ve been trying to get through my head for the past 2-3 years, since I finally grew a backbone and opened my eyes:

WE’RE ALL HUMAN.
(Wow, imagine that.)

[This is actually a sort of mixture between two posts I’ve had in mind (one from this weekend & one from tonight), so bear with me. Also, I’m running on too much mental stimulation for the day (not good, for an introvert) and not enough rest for my body. Not a good combination. Two reasons to forgive me if I don’t seem to make sense.]

 This weekend was probably the worst weekend I’ve had at my almost-4yrs long job (4yrs in August). The stress, the emotional ups & downs (mainly from angry to calm, over and over and over again, with frustration thrown in there to spice things up, oh and annoyance, can’t forget that. wow that is way too many commas in on sentence), the lack of respect and appreciation I feel from my managers, the idiocy of people – my temper & tolerance level has dropped far below what I even thought possible for me at this particular job, which I used to absolutely love. I’m not happy there anymore. I dread going to work. I get annoyed easier, faster. There’s too much change going on, and I just don’t feel part of the team anymore. Honestly, I believe I’m burnt out.

[See fact #1 above]

I think it is time for a change. As in, another job, another start, a new experience. I dislike the idea of starting out as ‘the newbie.’ I don’t like stepping out of the place where I’ve come to be comfortable in, that I know almost like the back of my hand, and that I made so many friends and met so many neat, interesting, inspiring people (and some unsavories as well). But nothing stays the same. Life goes on, with or without me. The difference is whether or not I’m happy, whether or not I decide what happens next, whether or not I decide to go on with it or stay in the past. And we can’t stay in the past, live in the past. I can wish all day and night for things to be back the way they were before, when my favorite manager of all time was there, and all the workers loved their job as much as I did, but the truth is: it’s not going to happen. The past will stay in the past. I can only look at what is ahead, even if it is a scary, dark, tunnel with some sort of illusion or truth of light at the end. To make a life worth living, I have to move forward. Because either I’ll be unhappy stuck in ‘what used to be’ or I’ll be happy I took the chance to make ‘what could be.’

Fact of life. Be thankful for what you’ve experienced and then move on.

 “Maybe it’s time to change,
and leave it all behind.
I’ve never been one to walk alone,
I’ve always been scared to try.”

“Nothing stays the same. Maybe it’s time to change.”

Peace.