It’s Actually Happening

I’m in a daze. My brain is telling me that I’m just on break. From classes, that is. Like Easter break or Christmas break or something. It doesn’t feel like the “end-of-the-semester, see ya in the fall” sort of thing either. But in reality this is it. Four years of college have flown by.

I graduate tomorrow. I get my diploma, my degree tomorrow. Undergrad will be no more.

What is this that is happening?!?!?!

Like I said, I think I’m in shock, or disbelief, or something.

Bruce6

I’ve mentioned it previously. This summer, the move, the future, the uncertainties, the adventure, the risks, the unknown. It makes my heart pound thinking about it. It’s scary. And I’ve never been one to go toward things that I’m afraid of. But this one is different. This time I know it is the right thing, despite the intimidation, it is what I want to do and I know I have to do it.

This summer I’m going to work and save money. Any money I make from photo shoots are going toward my moving fund. I need every penny, every dollar, I can get. But I want to cherish these last weeks in my hometown as well. I want to enjoy time with Ashley and Amber. I want to take photos. I want to put this place in my mind as important, solidify it and not forget about where I came from. Okay, so that might cheesy. But it’s how I feel.

DogsMay6th-5

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m on the frontline, don’t worry I’ll be fine.
The story is just beginning.
I say goodbye to my weakness, so long to the regret.
And now I see the world through diamond eyes.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DogsMay6th-9

Anyway, tomorrow is going to be the end of my undergrad career. And I am so so so ready for it be over. I really didn’t think I’d make it through that last semester. But somehow I accomplished it, I pulled off good grades. And I think I’m finally starting to realize that I don’t give myself enough credit, and that I underestimate myself. I can’t believe I did it. I did it.

~

Other news. They’re thinking about bringing 24 back. As a limited series TV show on FOX. Well, they say it is official, that it really is coming back. But I don’t believe it. Maybe because it’s too good to be true. Maybe because I don’t want it to be true, because it’s scary: It can’t be like the actual show. And I don’t want a “limited series” (what the heck IS that, anyway?!) to *ruin* the show for me. Although that’s a dumb thought too because 24 is 24 and will always always always be important to me, in and of itself. But a 12-episode show of 24? That makes absolutely no sense to me. 24 is 24 precisely because of the number 24. Not the number 12. I guess they could crunch it somehow and make 2 hours of the show’s world into 1 hour of our world. But seriously? Agh it’s such a contradictory feeling for me! There’s no way I *wouldn’t* be able to watch it if it is really “coming back.” But…. idk.

Hope you enjoyed my mind vomit on that little issue. I’m sure I’ll have more to say on it later. For now…..

Peace.

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Ponderings on a Wednesday

After I watched this, I felt compelled to post it here. It’s worth a watch. Only 3 minutes long.

I think it’d be very interesting to do that. If I got the chance, I probably would.

Follow up: Here is an excellent link that breaks this video down more. And it is an eye-opener so please read it, especially if you were *moved* by the above video. Why beauty?

~

I am presenting my senior research at my college’s symposium today. Not looking forward to doing it but definitely looking forward to getting it over with! I really didn’t know how big of a motivator graduation would be/could be, but it has really motivated me. Can. Not. Wait.

So for my Theories of Personality class our last paper is due next Thursday and in it we are supposed to take a minimum of three theorists we learned about, pick out the parts we agree with (the parts that match our personal theory of personality). I think I have mine pretty well outlined, but I am grappling with one question:

Are humans innately good or innately bad?

My gut reaction tells me innately good. I don’t know if that’s because I want to be more optimistic about the race I belong to, or what. Because if humans are innately good, then how do I explain the people who blow up bombs in the midst of 20,000+ people, and the people who shoot up schools, and the people who abuse, neglect, and rape kids and others? How do I explain the expanding prison populations? The abuse and cruelty to animals that I see on Animal Planet?

Those stories are what is stopping me from saying humans are innately good. And if it’s the environment that causes people to ‘go bad’, then how do we explain the kids who are abused and neglected and bullied from a very young age and yet still grow up to be healthy, productive members of society instead of serial killers, child rapists, abusers of their own kids, etc.? And you might say I’m focusing too much on the ‘bad people.’ But how is that different from focusing completely on the ‘good people’, the good samaritans, the everyday heroes?

I don’t know how to resolve this conflict. So what do you guys think? I’m open to any argument, no matter what angle you’re coming from. So please share, even if it’s just a sentence or two.

DogsOutside-11

Peace.

I hate the weekends. Like really really don’t like them.

Interestingly enough, my dislike for work has changed: It’s not work itself that I don’t like now. It’s the fact that work gets in the way of studying and homework (or the time I could *coughshould* be doing that stuff.). I’m actually looking forward to this summer when I can work work work and make money money money. That is my plan: To work as much as possible and save as much as possible. But. Gotta get through the next few weeks first. Cross your fingers for me.

Now for some pretty pictures.

April Ice-7

April Ice-2

April Ice-3

~

I’ve started an acne treatment called the oil cleansing method. Sounds crazii, doesn’t it, rubbing oil all over you face to wash it? Yeah I thought the same thing. You can learn more here: The Oil Cleansing method. But for those too lazy to click the link, the oil cleansing method basically takes your body’s natural method (oil) to nourish, cleanse, and hydrate your skin (read: face). Sounds so counterintuitive that I almost slapped myself. I mean, acne companies tell you that oil is bad and keep away from oil and blah blah blah. But really, oil is good for your skin because your skin produces it naturally. So the trick is to get the right balance of oils on your skin (instead of drying it out with all sorts of lotions and wipes and washes) and letting your skin take care of itself that way. I found it on another blog that challenged me to try it for two weeks, and that’s what I’m doing. If I remember, I’ll update how it ends up and whether I’ll stick with it.

Another healthcare update: I finally bought myself a container of coconut oil and have been experimenting ways to use it. So far I’ve used it for skin and lips mostly. And a really yummy chocolate shell ice cream topping recipe. I’ve heard it is good for dogs but I haven’t given it too much thought to give to them (although the dogs really enjoyed what I gave them off of my finger).

And while I’m on this healthcare kick… lemon water, anyone? I need to increase my water intake (and probably decrease my coffee intake, too. :P)

~

DogsOutside-1

I have lots and lots to do this week. After my morning shift tomorrow I have to work on some research stuff (if I can get it to work), somehow make a poster for my Wednesday presentation, do a reading & reflection sheet, study for an exam on Tuesday, read & summarize three chapters, and revise the third draft of my writing proficiency paper. And I need to begin thinking about all the papers I have coming up that are due in two weeks.

All this stuff is stressful. And I’m worried about not doing my best, not meeting expectations, fearing what will happen if what I *want* to happen, doesn’t happen. And so on. But I have this outlook when I think of these things: Whatever happens, I will still be alive after the semester is done and over with. I will be able to work and make money. I will be able to think of and look towards the future. I will be able to adjust my actions to the necessity of what happen(ed) and what (will) happen. Just because the path I think I should/will be going down might not happen does not mean other options are not open.

Applause for you if you understood what I just said.

DogsOutside-5

Peace.

It’s suddenly hit me

In roughly a month, I am going to be leaving undergraduate college.

Oh.my.gosh.

And when I say leaving, I mean it. Everything I have to get done, the papers due, the grades & credits rolling in to meet the requirements…. I. Am. Leaving. And I am dead set on that.

Since that has happened, the stress has pretty much wiped away. In place of it is determination. Cautious determination, yes, because I *do* still have an entire month to get through as well as a ton of stuff to do before then, but a determination nonetheless. Tonight I wrote over six pages of my senior thesis project that I’ve been seriously lagging behind on. I submitted my second draft to my advisor and am halfway finished with my third draft. (Not sure if he requires 3 or 4 drafts before the final draft, but whatever). I know what time I am presenting at the required conference school thingy (ugh). I have to submit some things to a few professors for my grad school application. I’ve begun apartment searching in Colorado (eek! omg! aaahhh!) and thinking about what it will be like to live on my own (holy crap).

And my mindset. Ah that determined mindset. It’s a strange, scary thing, that’s for sure. But there’s a path in front of me that I know I need to take and I will do it. I can’t let my fears stop me or my past mistakes and regrets slow me down. Take what is in front of you. Take what you want. It will be worth it.

Peace.

Is everything made of shades of gray?

JaydersBday-4

What do you want in life?

How bad do you want it?

I’m only 22 years old. (Okay, not 22 officially yet, not until the first of April, but still.) Only – already. Funny, the difference between those two words. I have a lot to learn but I think I’m figuring some crucial things out. Like the difference between “trying” and “doing” – major differences, apparently. And what’s funny about it is that it’s all in your head. All in what you believe. I find it ironic that lessons come to me after I’ve gotten the gist of it, waaaaaay after I’ve gotten the gist of it. I thought my motto, “It’s all in what you believe” referred to something entirely different. I guess it still does, but I keep finding applications for it. Like the difference between “trying” and “doing”.

So how bad do you want what you want in life?

JaydersBday-8

Peace.

Design Your Dream {Reading & Writing} Room

dailyprompt

 I know I’m a little late on this but what the heck. As soon as I read it I knew I had to do it.

I absolutely love reading, and writing to a lesser extent. I’ve always loved reading. My next door neighbor and I used to come up with ideas of what our dream room would be like, with elaborate diagrams and descriptions, various gidgets and gadgets that we thought would be fun to have. And can’t forget the secret passage ways and cubby holes. (:

Needless to say, I think I could come up with an extremely long description of what the perfect space for reading and writing would be for me. But I’ll try to keep it simple.

First, design. I love love love natural light – and lots of it! – so my room would have to have some windows that let in lots of sunlight. These windows, however, couldn’t just look over anything. Mountain scenery and nature only , nothing manmade in sight. I also wouldn’t want an overly spacious room. I’ve always wanted a loft, too!

Second, decor. (: Oh man, I would have fun with this. Canvases of my dogs would be hung up on the walls in some manner. I would also drag some ideas off of Pinterest to display quotes that would be intermittently placed among the photos. Rope lights and Christmas lights would have to be implemented as well, hung on the walls, around door and window frames, on the railings of the loft.

Third, furniture. The loft would be the reading corner. And when I say loft, I’m thinking a nice big one that takes up at least half the size of the room. It would have lots of cozy, comfy, squishy, and soft furniture: big bean bags, fluffy couches, big arm chairs, rocking chairs. Plus fluffy blankets and lots of pillows. Lighting would be kept to a minimum (apart from the windows for during the day), with different colored lights for a darker, more relaxed atmosphere. Lights would be either stand-alone or out of the wall. Of course I’d have bright white lights, just in case I felt the need to use them.

The writing room would be the bottom half of the room. The walls would be busier than in the reading loft, with more photos and quotes on the walls. I really like this idea. And the colors of the walls would be more stimulating than the neutral colors I picture in the reading loft, maybe a checkerboard design on one wall, a sparkly painted wall for another. Obviously I’d need a desk or table of sorts. This is pretty neat but I think I’d like something more like #4 on this page, but with more color to it. I like lots of space to work with and spread all my crap out on. (: I would also somehow incorporate a cork board to put notes, reminders, random ideas, photos, and quotes on to. A couch or chair corner with a lamp and table would provide a comfier spot to sit and think if my thought process called for it. And somewhere in that area would have to be a music station. An iHome with corner speakers to stream either my own music or Pandora, most likely.

And you know what would be really cool? Clapper lights and voice activated locking for the door so I wouldn’t have to get up from my reading or writing spot to let someone in. (:

Yeah, this prompt was given on February 3rd, but I’ve given it some serious thought. That’s why it took me so long. ;)

This is my current reading corner. Don’t get me wrong, I do like it and it works for now. But maybe someday I’ll be able to get that room described above. (:

Day38

Peace.

I Kind Of Miss Post-A-Day

Whadya’ll think of my new header & background? Pretty colorful, eh? Kind of different than what I had in mind, but I *really* like the colorful pawprints. It brightens it up a bit.

I’ve seriously missed blogging. When I was doing post-a-day, I made time to get a post up each and every day (obviously). Now that I’m not constrained by that, I let it slide. No big deal. I really didn’t have much to say over the weekend anyway, except that I’m going to miss Amberness until spring break. Hurry up and get here, March 2nd!

Oi.

So this semester is about 4 days in. And I’m already feeling the time restraints. Like bad. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to fit everything into my schedule, and have been thinking about my priorities. It’s tough. I’m afraid of spreading myself too thin and breaking down, because I feel like I’m already headed that way and at this rate I won’t make it to spring break with my mind in one piece. So accordingly, this was my photo for today.

Constrained Time

Constrained Time

I’m really trying to give my all to every single class. Get my papers done BEFORE the night before they’re due. Work harder at each class – visit professors, do extra credit, read every article/chapter for understanding and critical thinking instead of ‘just getting them read’, look ahead and NOT procrastinate on assignments. Really put my mind to each class and not waste precious time doing nonsense things like browsing Pinterest or staring into space (yes, I do that). That goes back to my (poor) time management skills of course.

One thing I’ve noticed that Project 365 is giving me something to ‘center’ on each day, kind of like post-a-day did in 2012. I wake up wondering what’s going to happen, what I’m going to come across that I’ll capture with a click. I look forward to it, and it’s only two weeks into the year! That’s encouraging, right? (Or it’s a warning that I’ve hit a high early and will crash into nothingness in another 2 weeks. In which case I’ll be screwed for the rest of the year. :P)

So you know that feeling where there’s something new in front of you, an opportunity to do something you haven’t done before, and your breath shortens and your mind frantically begins spilling reasons out of your ears why you can’t/shouldn’t/aren’t able to do such a thing? The feeling of stepping out of your comfort zone, where you just want to retreat into the known, the little bubble you live in every day, where everything is familiar and coffee with chocolate on the side? Yeah, I had the feeling today in the public library parking lot.

I checked my email on my phone.

I had an email from a new psych professor.

The preview began, “Hello everyone, and welcome to being a r…”

Holy crap, I thought. Wait a second, this wasn’t supposed to happen to me.

My advisor mentioned a professor who was doing a research project for this semester and was looking for research assistants. I jumped on it, emailed her for info, filled out the form, and sent it back to her. I did this all in a rush before I could tell myself all the reasons why I wasn’t qualified, wasn’t good enough, not ready do it, didn’t have time, etc. etc. Then I told myself, There are a quite a few other psychos filling out the form, most of which who are probably more qualified than me, so whatever. I didn’t think about it after that. Then I got that email. Yeah, she chose me. And after I talked myself out of emailing her back with some out-of-my-ass reason why I wasn’t able to do it anymore, I became excited, scared, apprehensive all at the same time. Excited to get research experience. Scared because it’s something new that I’ve never done before. Apprehensive because I already have enough on my plate – can I really add *more* to it?!

Oi.

Life might not be too fun at the moment, but at least it’s not boring. Coffee & Breaking Bad with my bestie tomorrow night! <3

Parker-BW_2

Peace.