Graduation Photos!

I don’t know why I didn’t think to post these sooner. Honestly, I’ve kind of been avoiding blogging lately. Maybe I’ll talk about that later… maybe. Anyway, here ya go! Thank you to my awesome nephew, Tristen for being my official photographer! <3

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That awesome chick between Ashley and me is Hanna of Frazzled Mort. (: Go check her out. She’s very intelligent and funny and she has curly hair like me and we both majored in the same thing and we’re both headed to the same state this year.

Graduation-19(That’s Tristen. (: So obviously he didn’t take this photo. But seriously, look at that outfit! He’s the coolest and most talented kid I know.)

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And there’s my girl. <3

I DID IT!!!!!!! :D :D :D

Peace.

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It’s All About You

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I’ve talked about how the only person that can help you is YOU. I’ve mentioned a little bit of how I’ve grown as a person and hope to continue to improve myself each and every day. These things have come as the crossing of lines, which I’ve mentioned before as well.

I was extremely self-conscious.

I saw myself as ugly, abnormal because of my facial structure.

I believed there was something wrong with me because I didn’t have a lot of friends.

I believed there was something wrong with me because I didn’t have a boyfriend by [insert age here].

I felt like I was constantly in the spotlight being judged because I wasn’t pretty enough, wasn’t fashionable enough, wasn’t skinny enough, wasn’t athletic enough, read too many books, didn’t play with (m)any kids on the playground during recess, didn’t have anybody to sit with at lunch, never got picked for a group or partner during activities in class, wasn’t talkative or outgoing enough…

I would lay in bed at night, absolutely dreading waking up to go to school. It’s not that I hated life, but I hated the people aspect of life, the interaction with my peers. Introverts aren’t anti-social necessarily, but that’s what I grew to be because I thought that’s what life was going to be like forever (you have to keep in mind my immature, naive mind I had back then, and still do to some extent of course).

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Enter high school graduation. Nerves. College applications. Not seriously or fully understanding what was going on in my life or how it would impact me and my future.  Going through the motions. Then telling myself I couldn’t live this way, I wasn’t happy, it wasn’t right. Gradually standing up for myself. Meeting Dustin, entering a relationship. Continuing what I’d been working on with myself.

I’ve learned a lot about myself in these years of college. And you know what?

It was all me. People can talk and talk and talk, telling you that you are pretty, are worthy, books and websites can tell you to stay positive, give you breathing methods and strategies for getting more happiness in your life.  It doesn’t do a lick of good though if YOU don’t do anything to help yourself. Because nobody gives a shit about you. #truth (yes, I did just use a hashtag. they should be universal. ;)) You can only depend on yourself.

~

This was more of a personal post, trying to collect my thoughts and what not. It occurred to me after a few things happened that, honestly, got me really kind of pissed off. So I got that off my chest, and you got to see a few photos. (: Win, win.

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Peace.

 

I Kind Of Miss Post-A-Day

Whadya’ll think of my new header & background? Pretty colorful, eh? Kind of different than what I had in mind, but I *really* like the colorful pawprints. It brightens it up a bit.

I’ve seriously missed blogging. When I was doing post-a-day, I made time to get a post up each and every day (obviously). Now that I’m not constrained by that, I let it slide. No big deal. I really didn’t have much to say over the weekend anyway, except that I’m going to miss Amberness until spring break. Hurry up and get here, March 2nd!

Oi.

So this semester is about 4 days in. And I’m already feeling the time restraints. Like bad. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to fit everything into my schedule, and have been thinking about my priorities. It’s tough. I’m afraid of spreading myself too thin and breaking down, because I feel like I’m already headed that way and at this rate I won’t make it to spring break with my mind in one piece. So accordingly, this was my photo for today.

Constrained Time

Constrained Time

I’m really trying to give my all to every single class. Get my papers done BEFORE the night before they’re due. Work harder at each class – visit professors, do extra credit, read every article/chapter for understanding and critical thinking instead of ‘just getting them read’, look ahead and NOT procrastinate on assignments. Really put my mind to each class and not waste precious time doing nonsense things like browsing Pinterest or staring into space (yes, I do that). That goes back to my (poor) time management skills of course.

One thing I’ve noticed that Project 365 is giving me something to ‘center’ on each day, kind of like post-a-day did in 2012. I wake up wondering what’s going to happen, what I’m going to come across that I’ll capture with a click. I look forward to it, and it’s only two weeks into the year! That’s encouraging, right? (Or it’s a warning that I’ve hit a high early and will crash into nothingness in another 2 weeks. In which case I’ll be screwed for the rest of the year. :P)

So you know that feeling where there’s something new in front of you, an opportunity to do something you haven’t done before, and your breath shortens and your mind frantically begins spilling reasons out of your ears why you can’t/shouldn’t/aren’t able to do such a thing? The feeling of stepping out of your comfort zone, where you just want to retreat into the known, the little bubble you live in every day, where everything is familiar and coffee with chocolate on the side? Yeah, I had the feeling today in the public library parking lot.

I checked my email on my phone.

I had an email from a new psych professor.

The preview began, “Hello everyone, and welcome to being a r…”

Holy crap, I thought. Wait a second, this wasn’t supposed to happen to me.

My advisor mentioned a professor who was doing a research project for this semester and was looking for research assistants. I jumped on it, emailed her for info, filled out the form, and sent it back to her. I did this all in a rush before I could tell myself all the reasons why I wasn’t qualified, wasn’t good enough, not ready do it, didn’t have time, etc. etc. Then I told myself, There are a quite a few other psychos filling out the form, most of which who are probably more qualified than me, so whatever. I didn’t think about it after that. Then I got that email. Yeah, she chose me. And after I talked myself out of emailing her back with some out-of-my-ass reason why I wasn’t able to do it anymore, I became excited, scared, apprehensive all at the same time. Excited to get research experience. Scared because it’s something new that I’ve never done before. Apprehensive because I already have enough on my plate – can I really add *more* to it?!

Oi.

Life might not be too fun at the moment, but at least it’s not boring. Coffee & Breaking Bad with my bestie tomorrow night! <3

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Peace.

First Day of Classes

I only had one class today, so it wasn’t *that* big of a deal, but it was still a tiny taste of what’s to come: papers, papers, PAPERS! Oi. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with myself.

On a happy note, my business cards came today!

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And I also reached 120 fans on my  Facebook page. (:

Anyways, like I said I’m a little cautious concerning this semester (I haven’t been completely thrown into it yet) so I’m not sure what to think. I feel like I’m ‘prepping’ myself for an ass-beating, to be completely honest. Not necessarily a good feeling, but at least it won’t be a surprise? :P Odd outlook on it, isn’t it?

Tomorrow is only Thursday but I have class pretty much until I have to go to work and I wasn’t sure if I’d get a chance to post.

Peace.

November 29th: Big

In my professional seminar class this morning, we talked about graduate school. The dirty details, the straight truths, the blunt facts. All that scary stuff. I regret that I didn’t get this knowledge in the fall of my junior year. I regret that I didn’t become more involved in activities, clubs, and events right from my freshman year. I regret that I didn’t pursue friendlier relationships with my professors. I regret that I started the research and application process for grad school so late. I regret how naive I was (and am).

But, what can I do now? What’s done is done. Yet it’s almost impossible not to stress about the coming months and wonder where the hell I’m going to be next fall. Are any of my readers older that have been through this process? Care to share your experience?

Peace.

Monday, go away!

Sunday night and pretty much all day today I was stressed out. To the max. You know the kind where you’re pissed off, feel like everything is out of your control & nothing is going the way you want/need it to, and you just want to cry and punch something at the same time? Yeah, that kind of stressed out.

Starbucks helped me calm down a bit (thank gosh for that place) and not only because of their amazing coffee but also the atmosphere and people. I realized today just how good that place is for me. And it’s worth the money I spend there nearly every time I go.

And tomorrow I am going there with Ashley. It is her birthday and I am NOT going to be stressed. I can’t wait to hang with my best friend. (: I don’t know what I would do without her. One day we’re going to be two old ladies, meeting at a Starbucks somewhere, sitting by the window talking just like we do every week now. We have so much in common yet just enough different to balance each other out. Yup, like a sister & BB4L. (:

Peace.

It’s all in your head

It’s all in your head.

Well of course it is. Our minds are the only reality.

That’s why it’s not so easy to just “change your attitude” or “change your perspective.” It’s crazii to look back and see how much my perspective and attitude have changed, about a lot of things, both good & bad. And what’s interesting about it is that people say not to look at how far you have to go, but only to focus on how far you’ve come, but since my perspective has been changing I’ve been finding it easier to looking at how far I have to go and be okay with it. It also makes it easier to look back and see how far I’ve come, and feel even better about it.

I wish I could tell you what/how it happens. But it’s just one of those line things again. If I could find the blog post I wrote about that in, I would link it here. But I only have 8 minutes to get this posted, so it’s up to you. If you’re that interested.

(Btw, I love comments. ;))

Peace.