Me, myself, & I?

I’ve realized something in the past week. Sort of like a lightbulb moment but more gradual. I call it stepping over a line. A line that I’ve seen in the distance, like a mirage, fading in and out while I get closer. In the end the line is real, it is there, in front of me, and that is where I stop. Even though I use the word “lines,” they’re not so easy to step over. More like a wall that appears to stretch all the way to the sky. However once I get to the top of that ‘wall’ the drop is nothing at all. And looking over my shoulder I see nothing but the ground I’ve been walking on, flat as a rug, as if nothing was every there. That is what I call stepping over a line. A necessity.

Every line I’ve come up to has taken tears, hard work, and feelings of hopelessness and loss. None of them have been obvious, glaring points that I have known to come to. Each line has only been shown to me after I’ve faced, discovered, or learned something or a sequence of somethings. Prerequisites that are inevitable, sometimes harsh, and can never be skipped. It’s like flipping to Chapter 34 of a chemistry textbook without looking over Chapter 1-33. You can read it, you might be able to answer basic questions about the information, but you won’t truly understand it without the necessary stuff the precedes it. Simple as that.

The line I stepped over isn’t as big as some of my past ones but there is a reason I haven’t found it before now. What that reason might be, I don’t know.

I realized that I haven’t, in my 21 years, accepted me as who I am. And on that matter, I haven’t figured out who I am.

I’ve been doing a lot of wring in my journal the past couple days, trying to connect with myself. It comes and goes. But I can only hope that this is a starting point.

~

On a lighter note, leave a comment telling me your top 5 favorite apps. Leaning towards iPhone apps, as that is what I use, but any app will do. Just tell me what you like!

Peace.

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…and here comes the weekend!

I hope everyone had a wonderful week and here’s to a good weekend.

I’ll be working my butt off the next three days, so you probably won’t see much substantial stuff around here until Tuesday. Then Wednesday I’m off to a tiny getaway with my besties, and next weekend some roller coasters and rides with my boyfriend! I’m so looking forward to getting away for a while, even if it’s just for a short bit, it’ll be worth it.

Can’t. Wait!

 

 

Got any good plans for the weekend? Or good stories from the week?

Peace.

 

Day 31: toothbrush

I was a tad disappointed with today’s theme, wanting something a big more exciting. But I think I might have managed to turn it into a promo photo for some toothpaste, or perhaps for this particular brand of toothbrush.

Since today was the last day of July, here ya go!

~

A new month not only brings a new photo-a-day challenge, but also a new school year. As much as I don’t want to think about it, classes will be starting soon. Photo-a-day July was a lot of fun but it also made me a bit lazy with my blog posts. Okay maybe a lot lazy. Next month I need to begin wracking my brain again to come up with more creative and exciting posts, for both me and you guys, my readers. School will be getting my brain painfully in some semblance of shape again, so it’s time to start building it up.

Wish me luck.

Peace.

Day 30: calm

A calm moment during an exciting day with a new German shepherd puppy in the house! Meet Hawkeye, my boyfriend’s new 5 month old puppy we rescued. He was brought in to the shelter because the owner didn’t want him anymore, and was due to be euthanized the next day. Why they would even think of putting down a perfectly healthy, extremely well-tempered, wonderful *puppy* I’ll never understand. He has fit in so well with all 6 dogs that he’ll come in contact with on a daily basis. He has taken everything in stride – no freak outs, no nervousness, no skittishness, no fearfulness, playful but not too hyper, kennel trained, and overall extremely well-rounded and smart. I’ve never known a better puppy. Oh and I didn’t mention he is an excellent traveler as well.

I’m sure I’ll be posting more pics of this guy as he grows. He is one handsome fellow.

In the mean time, here is a song and artist I discovered through Pandora that I *really* like.

Enjoy.

Peace.

Day 27: on the road

Shame on you, PhotoADayJuly, for letting me take a picture while driving. ;)

I took the advice of a wise woman today, and embraced my alone time. I tried to maximize it as much as I could.

 

It’s going to take some practice and lots of time to learn how to be alone again. Learn how to maximize every moment I have to myself instead of wasting it away on the Internet and other mindless activities. Today I laid out a quilt, my journal, and a book, and relaxed. Thoughts of things I *should* be doing, thoughts of things I *need* to get done, and worries tried to force their way into my mind, and a few times they almost got the best of me. But I fought back.

I’m trying.

Peace.