Miss Ellie :: Sneak Peek!

I’m still unsure and a bit anxious about this new work schedule thing, and it will most likely get changed/altered a few more times until I can find a nice balance. I’m trying not to worry about it, but it is a pressing thing on my mind.

But enough of that. (: Check out this princess, then like my Facebook page for more. I’ll post her album tomorrow, as soon as I get the chance.

Peace.

Advertisements

I got my heart broken tonight

There are a few things in life that cannot be expressed in words, only felt and seen with the heart. I believe this is why dogs – and all animals in general – weren’t given the ‘gift’ of speech. They don’t need it. They already have every single slice of wisdom on life and love that is possible, the amount of which a thousand more centuries of human advancement could not even come close to attaining or ever understanding.

Dogs are remarkable things.

I went into Angel’s kennel tonight, to say hi and give her some loving. This pure white setter/retriever mix had come in a week or so earlier, tail squeezed tight between her legs, body as low to the ground as she could get it without completely laying down. Her ears clamped to the sides of her beautiful feminine head, her gaze constantly skirting down, every step a seemingly giant leap. She had come from a guy who beat her and his other dog with table legs. Now she can walk through the kennel runs without too much cringing. I stepped into her kennel, holding her back as I did so, and she dropped to her belly instantly. She doesn’t resist, she doesn’t fight back, she doesn’t look up. I sat down beside her and gently pulled her head up to my lap, and lifted my leg over her so I was cradling her. She rested her head in the crook of my arm under my elbow, as if she was hiding. She didn’t move a muscle. We sat there like that for about 10 minutes before I shifted my weight to get up.

This dog, this wonderful, sweet, soulful, absolute angel of a dog, who hadn’t responded to any of my whispers or touches the entire 10 minutes, lifted her head up. Before I could get up, she put her head on my arm farthest from her, and then laid her paw over my lap, as if holding me there with her.

The thought of those small movements from a practically unresponsive, formerly abused dog, still give me goosebumps. There are really no words to describe what went through me.

~

All of those dogs there, touch me in some way. Whether I poke my fingers through the bars to say hello, or go inside the kennel itself to cuddle a bit more, they each have a story to tell if only someone would listen. And that story is one us humans could never understand, the love they describe and the heart they tell it with are unique to them alone. I truly believe each and every single dog is a living, breathing soul, something untouchable and forever mysterious to us mere humans.

Tell me, would you be this happy if you were locked in a kennel for 2 weeks straight?

Peace.

Someday I’ll want to but right now I don’t

Being in my first -ever- relationship has made me understand a lot of what people used to talk about, back when my peers were beginning to date and in present day when girls would talk about their boyfriends before Dustin found me. Particularly when they would talk about their significant other in a negative sense.

(One thing I don’t understand is why a girl would put herself out there physically after a break-up and completely disregard her self-respect. Imo it’s not just a physical thing; it does far worse damage to the emotional side of her. But that’s another story.)

At the beginning of my relationship with Dustin, I found myself having a hard time keeping my individuality intact. That’s not necessarily as bad as it sounds. I had trouble with that for quite a while actually before him, always letting myself be molded from the expectations and thoughts of others. It was right when I developed a “fuck-it” attitude that Dustin came into my life. I’ve often wondered if it happened too soon, and honestly felt like I went back two steps from what I had built myself up to. On the opposite side though, he’s taught me a lot about life and self-esteem and self-confidence. Everything I doubted came from my own mind. It was – is – my own weakness that keeps me down.

It’s all in what you believe. What’s new?

One of the greatest things to see firsthand is the differences between males and females. Not that I couldn’t observe it before, among friends, parents, etc. but the perspective from a relationship is fascinating. Although I’ve learned quite a bit from my relationship with Dustin, one thing still baffles me: why do guys feel the need to chase a girl, have a girlfriend, heck, put up with a girl? I wonder what in the world those scientists who say you’re a boy because of your penis and a girl because of your vagina, and nothing more. Anybody in a relationship could tell you otherwise. It’s like night and day.

There’s no doubt that I see things the way I am, as the saying goes, but I can’t help but think it has some weight to it. Girls are bitches. Guys are, in general, dumbasses. I could say “in general” for girls, but I think it is way more than generally that situation. And it is almost literally night and day. Some of the things I say that Dustin doesn’t understand, I have zero clue how he could NOT understand it. As sexist as it may sound, I let it go with the “he’s a guy” excuse. (And isn’t saying, “she’s pms’ing” sort of the same thing?) Yet I ask myself practically every other day why a guy puts up with a girl. Perhaps this does play into the belief of self-worth that I touched on earlier but that’s another topic for another day.

I don’t mean to offend anybody with anything I’ve said here, and obviously I’ve mainly focused on male-female relationships. If anybody wants to add their thoughts, on any sort of romantic relationship, feel free to. (: