Graduation Photos!

I don’t know why I didn’t think to post these sooner. Honestly, I’ve kind of been avoiding blogging lately. Maybe I’ll talk about that later… maybe. Anyway, here ya go! Thank you to my awesome nephew, Tristen for being my official photographer! <3

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That awesome chick between Ashley and me is Hanna of Frazzled Mort. (: Go check her out. She’s very intelligent and funny and she has curly hair like me and we both majored in the same thing and we’re both headed to the same state this year.

Graduation-19(That’s Tristen. (: So obviously he didn’t take this photo. But seriously, look at that outfit! He’s the coolest and most talented kid I know.)

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And there’s my girl. <3

I DID IT!!!!!!! :D :D :D

Peace.

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It’s Actually Happening

I’m in a daze. My brain is telling me that I’m just on break. From classes, that is. Like Easter break or Christmas break or something. It doesn’t feel like the “end-of-the-semester, see ya in the fall” sort of thing either. But in reality this is it. Four years of college have flown by.

I graduate tomorrow. I get my diploma, my degree tomorrow. Undergrad will be no more.

What is this that is happening?!?!?!

Like I said, I think I’m in shock, or disbelief, or something.

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I’ve mentioned it previously. This summer, the move, the future, the uncertainties, the adventure, the risks, the unknown. It makes my heart pound thinking about it. It’s scary. And I’ve never been one to go toward things that I’m afraid of. But this one is different. This time I know it is the right thing, despite the intimidation, it is what I want to do and I know I have to do it.

This summer I’m going to work and save money. Any money I make from photo shoots are going toward my moving fund. I need every penny, every dollar, I can get. But I want to cherish these last weeks in my hometown as well. I want to enjoy time with Ashley and Amber. I want to take photos. I want to put this place in my mind as important, solidify it and not forget about where I came from. Okay, so that might cheesy. But it’s how I feel.

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I’m on the frontline, don’t worry I’ll be fine.
The story is just beginning.
I say goodbye to my weakness, so long to the regret.
And now I see the world through diamond eyes.”

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Anyway, tomorrow is going to be the end of my undergrad career. And I am so so so ready for it be over. I really didn’t think I’d make it through that last semester. But somehow I accomplished it, I pulled off good grades. And I think I’m finally starting to realize that I don’t give myself enough credit, and that I underestimate myself. I can’t believe I did it. I did it.

~

Other news. They’re thinking about bringing 24 back. As a limited series TV show on FOX. Well, they say it is official, that it really is coming back. But I don’t believe it. Maybe because it’s too good to be true. Maybe because I don’t want it to be true, because it’s scary: It can’t be like the actual show. And I don’t want a “limited series” (what the heck IS that, anyway?!) to *ruin* the show for me. Although that’s a dumb thought too because 24 is 24 and will always always always be important to me, in and of itself. But a 12-episode show of 24? That makes absolutely no sense to me. 24 is 24 precisely because of the number 24. Not the number 12. I guess they could crunch it somehow and make 2 hours of the show’s world into 1 hour of our world. But seriously? Agh it’s such a contradictory feeling for me! There’s no way I *wouldn’t* be able to watch it if it is really “coming back.” But…. idk.

Hope you enjoyed my mind vomit on that little issue. I’m sure I’ll have more to say on it later. For now…..

Peace.

Ponderings on a Wednesday

After I watched this, I felt compelled to post it here. It’s worth a watch. Only 3 minutes long.

I think it’d be very interesting to do that. If I got the chance, I probably would.

Follow up: Here is an excellent link that breaks this video down more. And it is an eye-opener so please read it, especially if you were *moved* by the above video. Why beauty?

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I am presenting my senior research at my college’s symposium today. Not looking forward to doing it but definitely looking forward to getting it over with! I really didn’t know how big of a motivator graduation would be/could be, but it has really motivated me. Can. Not. Wait.

So for my Theories of Personality class our last paper is due next Thursday and in it we are supposed to take a minimum of three theorists we learned about, pick out the parts we agree with (the parts that match our personal theory of personality). I think I have mine pretty well outlined, but I am grappling with one question:

Are humans innately good or innately bad?

My gut reaction tells me innately good. I don’t know if that’s because I want to be more optimistic about the race I belong to, or what. Because if humans are innately good, then how do I explain the people who blow up bombs in the midst of 20,000+ people, and the people who shoot up schools, and the people who abuse, neglect, and rape kids and others? How do I explain the expanding prison populations? The abuse and cruelty to animals that I see on Animal Planet?

Those stories are what is stopping me from saying humans are innately good. And if it’s the environment that causes people to ‘go bad’, then how do we explain the kids who are abused and neglected and bullied from a very young age and yet still grow up to be healthy, productive members of society instead of serial killers, child rapists, abusers of their own kids, etc.? And you might say I’m focusing too much on the ‘bad people.’ But how is that different from focusing completely on the ‘good people’, the good samaritans, the everyday heroes?

I don’t know how to resolve this conflict. So what do you guys think? I’m open to any argument, no matter what angle you’re coming from. So please share, even if it’s just a sentence or two.

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Peace.

It’s suddenly hit me

In roughly a month, I am going to be leaving undergraduate college.

Oh.my.gosh.

And when I say leaving, I mean it. Everything I have to get done, the papers due, the grades & credits rolling in to meet the requirements…. I. Am. Leaving. And I am dead set on that.

Since that has happened, the stress has pretty much wiped away. In place of it is determination. Cautious determination, yes, because I *do* still have an entire month to get through as well as a ton of stuff to do before then, but a determination nonetheless. Tonight I wrote over six pages of my senior thesis project that I’ve been seriously lagging behind on. I submitted my second draft to my advisor and am halfway finished with my third draft. (Not sure if he requires 3 or 4 drafts before the final draft, but whatever). I know what time I am presenting at the required conference school thingy (ugh). I have to submit some things to a few professors for my grad school application. I’ve begun apartment searching in Colorado (eek! omg! aaahhh!) and thinking about what it will be like to live on my own (holy crap).

And my mindset. Ah that determined mindset. It’s a strange, scary thing, that’s for sure. But there’s a path in front of me that I know I need to take and I will do it. I can’t let my fears stop me or my past mistakes and regrets slow me down. Take what is in front of you. Take what you want. It will be worth it.

Peace.

Thoughts on a Sunday

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“He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.”

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Life has been hectic lately. It goes like that, in stages. Busy, calm, busy, busy, calm, busy, etc. etc. More busy time than calm time, from my point of view. It’s interesting what we can make time for when it’s towards the top of our priority list, like I did for post-a-day last year.

Coffee has been a motivator for me. And a curse. I think I’m too positivized to it. If that makes sense. Yes I know that’s not a word, but I just used it.

I’ve been cooking a lot lately. I think that’s taken the place of blogging. Which is okay, because I enjoy trying new recipes and messing with the ingredients. So far I’ve tried dinners for the family (including new side dishes), desserts, and a couple snacks. I’m thinking that I need to start a recipe box soon. Keep my favorites and throw out the rest. My mom has bugged me for years to start cooking and learning how she does things in the kitchen. I guess I’m a late bloomer in that, too. But hey, I’m doing it now and enjoying it quite a bit, so that’s what counts right?

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I’ve been reading quite a few books lately also. Well. I keep starting new books. Right now I’m reading three at once, and have four more waiting to be read, including one which I won off of Goodreads. And by “right now” I mean, a few minutes here and there whenever I feel like I deserve a break from school work or want to relax my mind for half an hour before bed. So I haven’t gotten very far on any of the three. But it’s nice to know that I have books to fall back on when/if I need them.

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Project 365 has been fun so far, although I’m kind of a slacker when it comes to getting them edited and posted on Facebook. Unfortunately. One of those priority things again, I think. As long as I *take* the photo…

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I finished my first paper of my last semester of college today. And it was of a genre that I’d never specifically had to write before: a memoir. The paper was for my Women & Religion class, an interesting class with an eccentric but fun professor. In this memoir we had to write about an experience that shaped our view of gender and relate it to religion, or vice versa, and then analyze that experience using two outside sources and one in-class source. Interesting experience. I couldn’t come up with a single thing in my religious background/upbringing that impacted, shaped, affected, etc. my own gender or even my view of gender. That was probably the hardest part of the paper. Once I figured it out, it went down on paper the computer screen rather nicely (for the most part). Interestingly enough, I’ve enjoyed this class so far this semester than I thought I would.

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Time for bed. A new week tomorrow. Oi. I got the stuff done that I needed to get done for tomorrow, so tomorrow I get to tackle the thing for Tuesday. That’s how it goes for me. Just keeping in step, never a step ahead, sometimes a step behind, but generally in step. Perhaps I’ll visit Starbucks tomorrow. I’d actually like to go to Caribou Coffee – for a change – but it’s a too far across town to justify driving all that way just for studying and coffee.

I can feel some little flickers of panic setting in for certain things, but I need to keep my head on straight. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Good night. Peace.

 

I Kind Of Miss Post-A-Day

Whadya’ll think of my new header & background? Pretty colorful, eh? Kind of different than what I had in mind, but I *really* like the colorful pawprints. It brightens it up a bit.

I’ve seriously missed blogging. When I was doing post-a-day, I made time to get a post up each and every day (obviously). Now that I’m not constrained by that, I let it slide. No big deal. I really didn’t have much to say over the weekend anyway, except that I’m going to miss Amberness until spring break. Hurry up and get here, March 2nd!

Oi.

So this semester is about 4 days in. And I’m already feeling the time restraints. Like bad. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to fit everything into my schedule, and have been thinking about my priorities. It’s tough. I’m afraid of spreading myself too thin and breaking down, because I feel like I’m already headed that way and at this rate I won’t make it to spring break with my mind in one piece. So accordingly, this was my photo for today.

Constrained Time

Constrained Time

I’m really trying to give my all to every single class. Get my papers done BEFORE the night before they’re due. Work harder at each class – visit professors, do extra credit, read every article/chapter for understanding and critical thinking instead of ‘just getting them read’, look ahead and NOT procrastinate on assignments. Really put my mind to each class and not waste precious time doing nonsense things like browsing Pinterest or staring into space (yes, I do that). That goes back to my (poor) time management skills of course.

One thing I’ve noticed that Project 365 is giving me something to ‘center’ on each day, kind of like post-a-day did in 2012. I wake up wondering what’s going to happen, what I’m going to come across that I’ll capture with a click. I look forward to it, and it’s only two weeks into the year! That’s encouraging, right? (Or it’s a warning that I’ve hit a high early and will crash into nothingness in another 2 weeks. In which case I’ll be screwed for the rest of the year. :P)

So you know that feeling where there’s something new in front of you, an opportunity to do something you haven’t done before, and your breath shortens and your mind frantically begins spilling reasons out of your ears why you can’t/shouldn’t/aren’t able to do such a thing? The feeling of stepping out of your comfort zone, where you just want to retreat into the known, the little bubble you live in every day, where everything is familiar and coffee with chocolate on the side? Yeah, I had the feeling today in the public library parking lot.

I checked my email on my phone.

I had an email from a new psych professor.

The preview began, “Hello everyone, and welcome to being a r…”

Holy crap, I thought. Wait a second, this wasn’t supposed to happen to me.

My advisor mentioned a professor who was doing a research project for this semester and was looking for research assistants. I jumped on it, emailed her for info, filled out the form, and sent it back to her. I did this all in a rush before I could tell myself all the reasons why I wasn’t qualified, wasn’t good enough, not ready do it, didn’t have time, etc. etc. Then I told myself, There are a quite a few other psychos filling out the form, most of which who are probably more qualified than me, so whatever. I didn’t think about it after that. Then I got that email. Yeah, she chose me. And after I talked myself out of emailing her back with some out-of-my-ass reason why I wasn’t able to do it anymore, I became excited, scared, apprehensive all at the same time. Excited to get research experience. Scared because it’s something new that I’ve never done before. Apprehensive because I already have enough on my plate – can I really add *more* to it?!

Oi.

Life might not be too fun at the moment, but at least it’s not boring. Coffee & Breaking Bad with my bestie tomorrow night! <3

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Peace.

First Day of Classes

I only had one class today, so it wasn’t *that* big of a deal, but it was still a tiny taste of what’s to come: papers, papers, PAPERS! Oi. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with myself.

On a happy note, my business cards came today!

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And I also reached 120 fans on my  Facebook page. (:

Anyways, like I said I’m a little cautious concerning this semester (I haven’t been completely thrown into it yet) so I’m not sure what to think. I feel like I’m ‘prepping’ myself for an ass-beating, to be completely honest. Not necessarily a good feeling, but at least it won’t be a surprise? :P Odd outlook on it, isn’t it?

Tomorrow is only Thursday but I have class pretty much until I have to go to work and I wasn’t sure if I’d get a chance to post.

Peace.