It’s Actually Happening

I’m in a daze. My brain is telling me that I’m just on break. From classes, that is. Like Easter break or Christmas break or something. It doesn’t feel like the “end-of-the-semester, see ya in the fall” sort of thing either. But in reality this is it. Four years of college have flown by.

I graduate tomorrow. I get my diploma, my degree tomorrow. Undergrad will be no more.

What is this that is happening?!?!?!

Like I said, I think I’m in shock, or disbelief, or something.

Bruce6

I’ve mentioned it previously. This summer, the move, the future, the uncertainties, the adventure, the risks, the unknown. It makes my heart pound thinking about it. It’s scary. And I’ve never been one to go toward things that I’m afraid of. But this one is different. This time I know it is the right thing, despite the intimidation, it is what I want to do and I know I have to do it.

This summer I’m going to work and save money. Any money I make from photo shoots are going toward my moving fund. I need every penny, every dollar, I can get. But I want to cherish these last weeks in my hometown as well. I want to enjoy time with Ashley and Amber. I want to take photos. I want to put this place in my mind as important, solidify it and not forget about where I came from. Okay, so that might cheesy. But it’s how I feel.

DogsMay6th-5

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I’m on the frontline, don’t worry I’ll be fine.
The story is just beginning.
I say goodbye to my weakness, so long to the regret.
And now I see the world through diamond eyes.”

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DogsMay6th-9

Anyway, tomorrow is going to be the end of my undergrad career. And I am so so so ready for it be over. I really didn’t think I’d make it through that last semester. But somehow I accomplished it, I pulled off good grades. And I think I’m finally starting to realize that I don’t give myself enough credit, and that I underestimate myself. I can’t believe I did it. I did it.

~

Other news. They’re thinking about bringing 24 back. As a limited series TV show on FOX. Well, they say it is official, that it really is coming back. But I don’t believe it. Maybe because it’s too good to be true. Maybe because I don’t want it to be true, because it’s scary: It can’t be like the actual show. And I don’t want a “limited series” (what the heck IS that, anyway?!) to *ruin* the show for me. Although that’s a dumb thought too because 24 is 24 and will always always always be important to me, in and of itself. But a 12-episode show of 24? That makes absolutely no sense to me. 24 is 24 precisely because of the number 24. Not the number 12. I guess they could crunch it somehow and make 2 hours of the show’s world into 1 hour of our world. But seriously? Agh it’s such a contradictory feeling for me! There’s no way I *wouldn’t* be able to watch it if it is really “coming back.” But…. idk.

Hope you enjoyed my mind vomit on that little issue. I’m sure I’ll have more to say on it later. For now…..

Peace.

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It’s suddenly hit me

In roughly a month, I am going to be leaving undergraduate college.

Oh.my.gosh.

And when I say leaving, I mean it. Everything I have to get done, the papers due, the grades & credits rolling in to meet the requirements…. I. Am. Leaving. And I am dead set on that.

Since that has happened, the stress has pretty much wiped away. In place of it is determination. Cautious determination, yes, because I *do* still have an entire month to get through as well as a ton of stuff to do before then, but a determination nonetheless. Tonight I wrote over six pages of my senior thesis project that I’ve been seriously lagging behind on. I submitted my second draft to my advisor and am halfway finished with my third draft. (Not sure if he requires 3 or 4 drafts before the final draft, but whatever). I know what time I am presenting at the required conference school thingy (ugh). I have to submit some things to a few professors for my grad school application. I’ve begun apartment searching in Colorado (eek! omg! aaahhh!) and thinking about what it will be like to live on my own (holy crap).

And my mindset. Ah that determined mindset. It’s a strange, scary thing, that’s for sure. But there’s a path in front of me that I know I need to take and I will do it. I can’t let my fears stop me or my past mistakes and regrets slow me down. Take what is in front of you. Take what you want. It will be worth it.

Peace.

Bookworm, anyone?

If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time (and reading it religiously, like I know every single one of you do), you probably got the hint that I love reading. My entire life I have been an avid reader. When I was in grade school I visited the library every week and checked out at least 10 books each time. My favorite series were the Goosebumps books (up until my mom bought the movie of my favorite Goosebumps book anyway. Ironic, I know) but I also enjoyed any and all books with dogs, horses, action, adventure, mystery, and, of course, scares! In fact, it was this book –> that sparked my interest in werewolves that I still hold to this day.

(And yes, it is the movie of that book that ended my Goosebumps venture.)

I think if I were to be any mythical creature, I would want to be a werewolf. Weird, I know, but they just appeal to me, probably for their wolf qualities. (Random fact you may have inferred by now: wolves are one of my favorite wild animals. Their dignity and beauty are breathtaking). Okay, back on subject.

In 5th grade, my teacher called me to her desk and told me that I was the top reader in the state for my grade level in number of books read. They only counted the books that I read for the program that was active in my state’s schools at the time, Reading Counts or RC. I had read 77 books for the program, but I had read many many more on top of that that I never did take the necessary quiz over to make it count. I got to go onto the ice with the top readers in K-4th at one of our local hockey team’s games. We received a jersey, a hockey puck, and a $100 prize. It was very neat, and yes rewarding perhaps for some people, but I read because I loved it and that was it.

Books are my release, my escape, my safety net. I don’t read as much as I used to but my love has only grown for it. I’ve never been a big TV person; I’d rather pick up a book. Among my favorite books are The Inheritance series, Harry PotterAlex Rider, Black BeautyThe Series of Unfortunate EventsThe Saddle Club, and so many more that I can’t think of at the moment. I don’t know when I discovered Jodi Picoult but she is hands down the best author ever (only my opinion, of course). Every single book of her’s will keep you glued to the page and raise so many questions in your head. She has a knack of writing about people, relationships, and touchy topics that is unparalleled in any book I’ve ever read so far. Basically, if you haven’t read any of her books, go check them out!

<– That is the book I finished today after starting it yesterday morning. Ted Dekker is a new author that Ashley introduced me to recently. Some of his books have been iffy but this one is the best one of his that I’ve read yet. He has a unique way of writing that, honestly, wouldn’t normally go well with me. But the topics he writes about – mostly the clash between good and evil- and the questions he raises with his characters pull me in and keep me coming back for more.

Thr3e was right up my alley of course, getting all psycho on me. Definitely my type of book! (Hint: psycho = psychological-ish stuff).

So who else out in the blogosphere is a book lover? Who’s your favorite author? What’s your favorite genre? I never mentioned that I don’t do romance novels too well, and am NOT a fan of Twilight and definitely not of Shades of Grey. I apologize if I offend you when I say they are both prime examples of bad writing. Only my opinion, of course. I am currently reading The Last Surgeon by a Michael Palmer. It is one of my flea market books. Oh, that’s another thing, search out your local flea markets for book booths. Although you may get a lot of Danielle Steele (which is perfectly okay if you like her books), it’s worth a shot because they’re usually some very good prices.

Unfortunately summer is coming to an end, which means cutting my free-reading time slim to none. Sad, sad day. I do like reading about psychology, but it’s just not the same as a good murder mystery.

One more thing before I peace out… anyone have a Goodreads account?

G’night & peace.

Back to reality

Why is it that the ride home always goes so much faster than the ride to your vaca spot?

Whatever the reason, I don’t like it. Right now I wish I had a time machine so I could go back in time. I definitely wasn’t ready to come home, and I’m not ready to face next week. That being said…

I am going to enjoy a movie night with my girls one last time before Amber heads back to her college town. Maybe I’ll look up some stress relieving exercises for the coming semester. Or maybe I should take up jogging/running (if my knees could hold up). I need to get back into writing in my journal, trying to connect with myself. And I need to find this mis-balance in my life and correct it or adjust to it, because it just doesn’t feel right.

I’m thankful for the time I got to spend with my sister and wonderful niece and nephew. I’m thankful I got to venture onto scary, confusing streets with my boyfriend. I’m thankful I got the chance to be ‘on my own’ for a while. I’m thankful for the people in my life.

Now, if I’m not mistaken, Ashley is bringing a time machine over for me as well as a Rx of Fukitol in case the time machine goes awry. Wish us luck. (:

Peace.