I’ve talked about how the only person that can help you is YOU. I’ve mentioned a little bit of how I’ve grown as a person and hope to continue to improve myself each and every day. These things have come as the crossing of lines, which I’ve mentioned before as well.
I was extremely self-conscious.
I saw myself as ugly, abnormal because of my facial structure.
I believed there was something wrong with me because I didn’t have a lot of friends.
I believed there was something wrong with me because I didn’t have a boyfriend by [insert age here].
I felt like I was constantly in the spotlight being judged because I wasn’t pretty enough, wasn’t fashionable enough, wasn’t skinny enough, wasn’t athletic enough, read too many books, didn’t play with (m)any kids on the playground during recess, didn’t have anybody to sit with at lunch, never got picked for a group or partner during activities in class, wasn’t talkative or outgoing enough…
I would lay in bed at night, absolutely dreading waking up to go to school. It’s not that I hated life, but I hated the people aspect of life, the interaction with my peers. Introverts aren’t anti-social necessarily, but that’s what I grew to be because I thought that’s what life was going to be like forever (you have to keep in mind my immature, naive mind I had back then, and still do to some extent of course).
Enter high school graduation. Nerves. College applications. Not seriously or fully understanding what was going on in my life or how it would impact me and my future. Going through the motions. Then telling myself I couldn’t live this way, I wasn’t happy, it wasn’t right. Gradually standing up for myself. Meeting Dustin, entering a relationship. Continuing what I’d been working on with myself.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in these years of college. And you know what?
It was all me. People can talk and talk and talk, telling you that you are pretty, are worthy, books and websites can tell you to stay positive, give you breathing methods and strategies for getting more happiness in your life. It doesn’t do a lick of good though if YOU don’t do anything to help yourself. Because nobody gives a shit about you. #truth (yes, I did just use a hashtag. they should be universal. ;)) You can only depend on yourself.
This was more of a personal post, trying to collect my thoughts and what not. It occurred to me after a few things happened that, honestly, got me really kind of pissed off. So I got that off my chest, and you got to see a few photos. (: Win, win.