Where are the Dog Days of December?

This nice weather is seriously throwing me off. Of course, I haven’t given it much attention because I’ve been busy with other things, but 56 degrees on December 4th? I hope we have a white Christmas at least. :P

Speaking of that, I need to take my camera out and photograph more. I need to broaden my horizons, try to see things in different ways. Especially for this blog, so I have something to share more often instead of just my dogs.

~

I finished Susan Cain’s book today. And all I can say is wow. The first part of the book was about the extrovert ideal in our society. And the last chapter was about the parenting of an introverted child. Now nothing against my parents, but looking back at my childhood, I was definitely pressured and prodded to fit into the ‘extrovert’ mold. I never enjoyed going to school events, I’d rather sit at home and read. I didn’t like team sports, I did better work by myself when I could think on my own and not worry what the other people around me were doing. I played soccer as a kid. And I hated it, because of the social aspect of it. In high school, I dreaded getting up. I dreaded everything about it, but especially the people/social part. Being pushed into rooms with a bunch of kids all talking at once about pointless drama, and never getting time to be by myself. Looking back at that, man it’s crazii to see.

It went so far that I began thinking something was honest-to-God wrong with me. Why didn’t I enjoy going to support our high school football team? Why didn’t I have lots of friends that came over all the time? Why didn’t I have a boyfriend or even a big group of friends to sit with at lunch? I remember a time in elementary school when my mom’s biological son, who’s a pilot, came to talk about his job to my class. Man, I was so proud and excited. But then we went to recess (which I had always hated). And all I remember about that day is the look of confusion and dismay in his eyes when I didn’t rush off to play kickball or have a big group of kids to play with.

I felt ashamed. Not just then, but lots of other times as well. Ashamed in myself, for not being “normal.” I thought there was a ‘right’ way to do things and a ‘wrong’ way and I was getting it all wrong. But every time I did something MY way, it *felt* wrong, leading to more confusion. I never really accepted myself because I genuinely thought I was wrong, as in who I was & am as a person.

Quiet really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I’m sure if I re-read it, I’ll find even more information and stuff about me. A friend told me the other day how she avoided books that “explained who you are.” But Quiet didn’t explain who I was so much as explain how I did things, why I did things that way, and that IT IS OKAY TO BE THAT WAY!

Relief. Still a learning process, but relief.

Peace.

Advertisements

7 comments on “Where are the Dog Days of December?

  1. ash says:

    Wow.
    You know, after tomorrow I may have to revisit an OLD OLD OLD draft and post it. I’ve occasionally wondered if I would have had more of these type of thoughts/feelings about myself if I would have been born healthy. I don’t know, my post is related. I think.

    • Doit doit doit doit doit doit doit doit doit doit doit doit

      So I know I’m not crazii. (: Plus it sounds extremely intriguing, noting the fact that you and I might be thinking/feeling the same thing? POST IT!!!!

  2. liz says:

    perhaps i should grab a copy of that book too… sounds like i would completely relate. so glad that you feel a sense of relief and an acceptance of yourself as yourself. bravo! xo

  3. So glad you finally got to read it! I’ll definitely be revisiting it in the future :)

  4. […] It’s a post that I never did publish and it has just been sitting in my drafts all this time. This post actually reminded me of this post for whatever reason, so I decided I should revisit it now a year […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s