This nice weather is seriously throwing me off. Of course, I haven’t given it much attention because I’ve been busy with other things, but 56 degrees on December 4th? I hope we have a white Christmas at least. :P
Speaking of that, I need to take my camera out and photograph more. I need to broaden my horizons, try to see things in different ways. Especially for this blog, so I have something to share more often instead of just my dogs.
I finished Susan Cain’s book today. And all I can say is wow. The first part of the book was about the extrovert ideal in our society. And the last chapter was about the parenting of an introverted child. Now nothing against my parents, but looking back at my childhood, I was definitely pressured and prodded to fit into the ‘extrovert’ mold. I never enjoyed going to school events, I’d rather sit at home and read. I didn’t like team sports, I did better work by myself when I could think on my own and not worry what the other people around me were doing. I played soccer as a kid. And I hated it, because of the social aspect of it. In high school, I dreaded getting up. I dreaded everything about it, but especially the people/social part. Being pushed into rooms with a bunch of kids all talking at once about pointless drama, and never getting time to be by myself. Looking back at that, man it’s crazii to see.
It went so far that I began thinking something was honest-to-God wrong with me. Why didn’t I enjoy going to support our high school football team? Why didn’t I have lots of friends that came over all the time? Why didn’t I have a boyfriend or even a big group of friends to sit with at lunch? I remember a time in elementary school when my mom’s biological son, who’s a pilot, came to talk about his job to my class. Man, I was so proud and excited. But then we went to recess (which I had always hated). And all I remember about that day is the look of confusion and dismay in his eyes when I didn’t rush off to play kickball or have a big group of kids to play with.
I felt ashamed. Not just then, but lots of other times as well. Ashamed in myself, for not being “normal.” I thought there was a ‘right’ way to do things and a ‘wrong’ way and I was getting it all wrong. But every time I did something MY way, it *felt* wrong, leading to more confusion. I never really accepted myself because I genuinely thought I was wrong, as in who I was & am as a person.
Quiet really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I’m sure if I re-read it, I’ll find even more information and stuff about me. A friend told me the other day how she avoided books that “explained who you are.” But Quiet didn’t explain who I was so much as explain how I did things, why I did things that way, and that IT IS OKAY TO BE THAT WAY!
Relief. Still a learning process, but relief.