You know those days when you wake up with feeling off? Like you got up on the wrong side of the bed even though the side was no different from all the other days?
Today was one of those days.
One of those days that started out okay, then just went downhill. It was fine with just the dogs and me, then humans had to come along. I felt short-tempered and irritable all day, but not overly so. Very gradual progression, just minor things here and there that annoyed or ticked me off.
Just little things.
But everyone has a snapping point, no matter how big of a smile you try to put on your face.
How can you love someone so much, yet hate them so badly you can’t think of any word or action that would make them feel the same pain they’re causing you?
A hate so strong you see red, and looking down, find fingernail marks on your palms when you bite your nails to the end.
The kind of hate that makes you tremble from the inside out, that turns you stomach to jelly, that makes your heart pound so hard you feel it in your toes.
How do I handle this? How do I let go? How do I keep it all bottled up inside?
What happens when I lose it?
How do you hate someone so strongly that blue becomes black, green becomes red, the skies blacken and your view is clouded?
They say remove yourself from the situation…. but how do you last when you’re not able to run away?
I could say a million things to justify why I’m being a bitch, but the truth always stays hidden: A person lashes out to hurt you as much as you hurt them.
All those years of piggy back rides, secret forts, animals, midnight movies and popcorn, our own language, and so much more….
It wasn’t worth this pain.
If I could go back and do it over, I’d walk away, shield myself from this pain and anger.