Back to my normal weekends tomorrow, full of work, work, work. This summer I’m going to be working more – a LOT more, hopefully – but the only reason working so much on weekends bothers me so much is because school is in session and work feels like it is “in the way” of my homework and studying. Of course, I’m the type of person who dislikes doing two things at once (like work and school). I’d rather focus on one thing, give it my full attention, and finish it, before starting something else. But alas, that’s not the way life works. I’ve managed this far so I think I’ll be okay.
Other news: I’ve finally signed up to be a volunteer again at the Humane Society, but have to wait until may 20th to go through orientation. So for now, I won’t be able to get any dogs out by myself like I’d like. Not a big deal, really, but I am looking forward to that day I can get to know the dogs that have the unfortunate luck of being there. I hope I can brighten their lives, even if just a tiny bit.
I read a lot of blogs: I get about 10-15 emails daily with new posts from those I’m subscribed to, plus I have about 20 more saved in my bookmarks. I try and limit it, and be choosy about what I save and follow, but I still have plenty to read and explore if I ever get the desire. One of my favorite blogs at the moment is The Positivity Blog. So many easy-to-read, clear, inspiring, and encouraging posts with plans of action to tackle various challenges you might be facing. I’ve posted some links from there before.
Another blog I enjoy is Tracie Louise Photography. A woman with an amazing eye for the the beauty in life, wonderful photography skills, and words and thoughts that are sure to move you or, at the very least, make you think about your life and/or life around you. I always look forward to getting her emails in my inbox every day.
I’ve been through some personal changes since I started blogging and reading other blogs. Changes that aren’t visible to others. Changes within myself. I’ve been spending more time thinking about who I am, what I want, what I’m capable of, things that impact me, the power I have over my own life and other lives, my attitude, my strengths and weaknesses, what I want to do, what I like, what I don’t like. It’s something I’ve only began recently, within the last month, if that. Short as it has been, it has been an interesting path so far. I feel like I’m digging deeper into myself, searching for something….. more.
As I was doing my daily blog reading (as I call it) today one thought struck me: I could never search further into myself without the foundation I have. The foundation I began building myself about 3 years ago, around the time I first entered college as an “adult.” The foundation that resulted from insecurity, self-doubt, fears, dead-ends, hopeless paths, low self-confidence, bad decisions, and lots and lots of tears. The foundation I began building when I realized I couldn’t live my life not believing in myself, fearing other people, trying to live up to every person’s supposed expectations of me. The foundation that was built from finding some sort of inner strength, picking myself up off the ground, trying different things, doing things wildly out of character for me, wandering out of my comfort zone, and listening to my heart say, “You can’t live your life this way.” Because I knew if I continued to do so, I would cease to exist.
Without the foundation I chose to give myself, without the foundation I built with my own tears and strength, there’s no way I could read something inspiring and see that same thing in myself. There’s no way I could stick to a plan of action when I was already convinced, subconsciously, that I couldn’t do it and never would be able to. It was when I began to question myself that I found that there were more answers out there than what I originally thought, answers that might actually apply to me.
I’m still working on this thing called life, and it’s going to be a long, hard journey, probably the rest of my life. But I’m better than I once was, and that’s all that matters. I look forward to what I might find tomorrow, next week, or 12 years down the road from now.
If you actually read all of that… thanks for listening to me ramble. (: