Someday I’ll want to but right now I don’t

Being in my first -ever- relationship has made me understand a lot of what people used to talk about, back when my peers were beginning to date and in present day when girls would talk about their boyfriends before Dustin found me. Particularly when they would talk about their significant other in a negative sense.

(One thing I don’t understand is why a girl would put herself out there physically after a break-up and completely disregard her self-respect. Imo it’s not just a physical thing; it does far worse damage to the emotional side of her. But that’s another story.)

At the beginning of my relationship with Dustin, I found myself having a hard time keeping my individuality intact. That’s not necessarily as bad as it sounds. I had trouble with that for quite a while actually before him, always letting myself be molded from the expectations and thoughts of others. It was right when I developed a “fuck-it” attitude that Dustin came into my life. I’ve often wondered if it happened too soon, and honestly felt like I went back two steps from what I had built myself up to. On the opposite side though, he’s taught me a lot about life and self-esteem and self-confidence. Everything I doubted came from my own mind. It was – is – my own weakness that keeps me down.

It’s all in what you believe. What’s new?

One of the greatest things to see firsthand is the differences between males and females. Not that I couldn’t observe it before, among friends, parents, etc. but the perspective from a relationship is fascinating. Although I’ve learned quite a bit from my relationship with Dustin, one thing still baffles me: why do guys feel the need to chase a girl, have a girlfriend, heck, put up with a girl? I wonder what in the world those scientists who say you’re a boy because of your penis and a girl because of your vagina, and nothing more. Anybody in a relationship could tell you otherwise. It’s like night and day.

There’s no doubt that I see things the way I am, as the saying goes, but I can’t help but think it has some weight to it. Girls are bitches. Guys are, in general, dumbasses. I could say “in general” for girls, but I think it is way more than generally that situation. And it is almost literally night and day. Some of the things I say that Dustin doesn’t understand, I have zero clue how he could NOT understand it. As sexist as it may sound, I let it go with the “he’s a guy” excuse. (And isn’t saying, “she’s pms’ing” sort of the same thing?) Yet I ask myself practically every other day why a guy puts up with a girl. Perhaps this does play into the belief of self-worth that I touched on earlier but that’s another topic for another day.

I don’t mean to offend anybody with anything I’ve said here, and obviously I’ve mainly focused on male-female relationships. If anybody wants to add their thoughts, on any sort of romantic relationship, feel free to. (:

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2 comments on “Someday I’ll want to but right now I don’t

  1. liz says:

    keep on fighting to stay true to yourself! it’s an everyday battle all throughout life, i think. btw, you two are adorable! :)

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