Rainy day today.
Usually rainy days bum me out but today I was thankful for the rain, the cleansing I guess you could call it. It’s not going to be nice when it freezes and becomes slick, but regardless, I enjoyed the wet weather.
In my topics class, The Ethics of War, Peace, & Terrorism, I’ve been finding myself becoming very interested in the subject that we’re talking about at the moment, just war theory. And we’re moving into terrorism which I am very eager to learn about and debate. It’s funny because when this class first started I didn’t particularly enjoy it or look forward to it, even found it rather boring. But to see the different viewpoints and all the different factors playing into situations, and trying to comprehend various papers, essays, and articles, I feel like I have become a much better reader even in just the short time this class has been going on. It makes me want to read more viewpoints and such, to compare authors, and see if I can comprehend what they’re saying and then form my own opinion of the matter. On that point I think I’ve developed a much better understanding of philosophical terms and all –> there are a few “Philosophy of [such and such]” books that I own that I now want to go back and read to see if I better understand them. Not to mention the history aspect of the readings intrigues me as well.
On the other hand I have another class – another philosophy class, actually – that is doing the exact opposite to me. Philosophy of Science. Within 10 minutes of class starting I feel like I’m in way over my head, not qualified to say anything about the subject matter, and completely inadequate, not only in that class but to life in general. I doubt myself when it comes to what I’m “going to be when I grow up,” I doubt myself in my abilities to get into grad school if I were to take that route, I doubt myself in a lot of things. I think these are all fears that weren’t necessarily brought on by the class, but brought out by it. Fears I already have. Related to that, in some ways I feel like I’m “behind” on life, unprepared in every way possible – and this isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way. I felt the same way when high school graduation rolled around. Anyway, needless to say, I dislike this particular philosophy course. I hope my feelings of inadequacy in it will fade eventually, soon, but I can’t see that happening in the near future.