Ignoramuses and Assholes

Dear Snobby Old Woman at table 335 about 430ish:

I did not enjoy the way you wrinkled your nose at me every time I asked you if you needed anything, or the way you said “That’s fine” in an annoyed way when I told you I’d be back to get your order. Not to mention you could have let me finish the sentence before answering.

Thanks for acting like I wasn’t there or that I was a bothersome fly. Next time I’ll leave you alone so you can get your own drinks and dinners going. Good luck finding your way around the kitchen. And I really appreciated the $4 you left for me after sitting there talking for nearly 2 and a half hours. Have you not gotten the memo that the price of living has skyrocketed since your times as a child 100 years ago? Well, now you know.

Please don’t visit my table again until you’ve learned some manners AND the proper way to tip.

Sincerely,
An extremely pissed off server

Dear four young idiots at table 324 about 9pm:

I really loved the way you were so nice and sociable to my face. And whenever I checked up on you to make sure everything was alright, or if you needed anything, you weren’t an annoying table that sent me on five different errands five different times. I liked to joke around with you, too.

But if you weren’t happy why didn’t you just say to me that you wanted to speak to a manager instead of pretending to my face? If you must know, the smothered on that steak were simply a mess-up and were brought out to you promptly. Did you expect me to snap my fingers and for them to appear on your plate? Oh and also, I’m not in charge of bringing you silverware, that’s the hosts’ job. And I noticed that they did bring you some, albeit not immediately. Sorry you’re not the only guests in the restaurant.

Btw, thanks for the $2 on your $92 ticket. Man that’s gonna help me fill my gas tank!

Sincerely,
The same extremely annoyed and irritated server

P.S. You’re lucky I need a job. I’d love to give people like you an earful.

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