Lose Yourself for Just a Second

I re-found something extraordinary today. The feeling you get in your belly when swinging so high on the playground swing that you leave your seat for just a second. The rush from the deep pit of your body, up your back, and into your head. The release when you fall back into your seat and swing backwards, gripping the chains, and then the strange twinge of fear when you feel like you’re going to fall. The realization that all it takes to fall is just a second. And yet repeating it over and over, pumping your legs to go even higher, closing your eyes and experiencing the rush in darkness, until you’re laughing hysterically for no obvious reason except the joy of living to experience that rush for just a second more. Looking for that feeling of flying, of being bigger than any problem, any worry, anything in the world. The feeling of being a little kid once again.

The feeling of having not a single worry in the world.

Stress. Lots of it. Money. Wondering if I’m doing the right thing, if there’s something I should do differently, if there are changes I need to make in my life. Decision, decisions. Why can’t I just let myself live and not worry so much about doing the right fucking thing? I’m so sick of it. Nothing seems to work, like I’m between a rock and hard place. Someone find me a knife so I can make my own version of 127 Hours and cut my way out of the dark place.

Enough complaining. I’ve had one particular thought in my head for a couple days now. Me being such a psych freak, and being vastly interested in the nature vs nurture debate, what if one was to clone a person and raise that child in a different environment than the original person? Sure, there’d be extraneous variables and confounds but just the observational part would be fascinating to me. Since a clone is an exact replica of another being, the genes would be the exact same, so they only thing you’d have to change is the environment. I would love to be part of an experiment like that. Hell, clone me, I’d love to see how different a copy of me would be in a different environment than what I grew up in.  More of a controlled kind of experiment than the identical twin studies.

Just a thought.



2 comments on “Lose Yourself for Just a Second

  1. ashley says:

    keep up the posts chick! ah, cloning. that would be super interesting. would you be one of those people who then thinks clones don’t have souls? …weird right? i saw your twit about being stressed, and i meant to reply to it saying something like “you’re finally done with classes! you should be less stressed now :P”

    anyway. sometimes you just need a new perspective on things. i wish i could help you out more. i wish i could hand you that knife. (but i don’t know where it is myself.)

    anyway just look on the bright side and remember we all die someday. :)

  2. Ahha20 says:

    I love this post! Well thought out and deep. I could definitely see you the team leader of an investigation regarding cloning and the psychological effects. I agree with ash though I think you need a new perspective. I think all three of us need a new perspective and going on vacation will help us all out! I understand that things are getting heavy right now, just don’t let it pile on. You gotta give time for things to level out, let time fix things (even though the time during sucks, I mean it really does sucks) Like ash says, we all die someday! don’t live life worrying!

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